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Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

By May 19, 2009 - 9:46am
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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

Add a Comment1230 Comments

(reply to Anonymous)

Thank you for being intelligent. :)

September 23, 2010 - 12:17pm
(reply to Anonymous)

Thank you for being intelligent. :)

September 23, 2010 - 12:16pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Diane Porter)

I have the same problem...except that I know he is not cheating on me. I see him almost 24/7 & i know he doesn't go out much except to work because when he goes out it's with me. But i think he is just tired of me. He avoids kissing me & we have not been intimate since a month. I feel as though he has just stopped loving me & is not attracted to me. i don't know what to do. Maybe this is just the end.

September 18, 2010 - 6:24pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

It may be the end of that relationship and beginning of a new one. Stay positive, I know its hard, but we as women are worth so much more than settling for men who we "feel" don't love us... I am speaking for all the women who DO feel this way... You have to show yourself you are worth more than what you settle for.

that girl

September 18, 2010 - 10:52pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Diane Porter)

Wow, this is all so disscuraging...I have been having the same problem and reading some of these posts has just really made me even more upset about it. For so long now I have been trying to convince myself that my problem wasn't that bad or that it was just because he has gained alot of weight in the past couple years...but I can't help feeling that he doesn't find me attractive anymore. I mean, heavier guys want sex too, right? Several months ago I found out that he has been watching porn. After I got over the initial feelings of hurt (from being almost completely left out of his sexual life) I decided to try to be accepting. I had a video playing when he came home from work one night. It actually made for a very fun night...and couple of weeks. But after a short while, things went right back to normal. I don't know what to do!! I feel like I have already tried everything (and trust me, I almost have). He tells me that the truth is, he just doesn't want it as much as he used to...maybe that's true but what if he really just doesn't want it from ME anymore?? I am at a loss...we are supposed to be getting married in two months and as far as he is concerned, things are just peachy. Not for me though...I don't want to enter into a marriage were I don't even feel loved. Why does it have to be that every guy I know tells me that I'm sexy and how much they would live to be with me, but the one I love and want doesn't want to have sex with me more than once in a blue moon? I must done something cosmically terrible to deserve such a fate.
At least it feels good to get all this off my chest.

August 19, 2010 - 10:56pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Do you think that because he has gained weight, he doesn't feel attractive to you? This could have a major impact on sex. Guys have self esteem too, and they need their egos played with just like us women. But, sometimes, things like gaining weight will affect his self esteem, and could take all that ego building, and toss it out the window.... Do you go to the gym together? And then...locker room steamy sexy time..? :) jusa thought. Good Luck hun.

that girl

September 19, 2010 - 12:59am
(reply to Anonymous)

Oh my word so in the same boat! Getting married in 2 months and think I that kharma is coming back around for something huge i must have done wrong to have such a fate...desired by many men but not by the one I love with all my heart.

September 13, 2010 - 12:57am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Lovethissite)

That's always how it is with life... It's not Karma getting back at you for something, it's life making you stronger. I know it sounds like a bunch of fluff, but, it is true. Just make sure you communicate now, before you get married, you want to make sure this is what the both of you really want, let him know how you feel, what you feel, and especially what you don't feel. And ask him why he wants to marry you.. Don't settle for the"because I love you babe " lines... If he tries to answer with "I love, you complete me, and all those other very charming lines, make sure you ask a followup question like, "well, babe, why do you love me, how do I make you complete..?" That's shaky, I know, because guys hate answering serious questions... But this will soon be your husband, and better to ask now, than after you say "I do".

Get him to talk, don't be afraid to ask him questions, if he really loves you, he will answer to the very best of his ability. He shouldn't be too defensive, but keep in mind, your wedding is in a few months, so he may question your reasons for the questions, and even though you are ready, he may or may not be ready, this isn't something to guess about, you love him, so you don't want to pressure him, you want him to be happy with or without you. Tell him this. Good luck, I truly understand your situation, and wish the best.

that girl.

September 19, 2010 - 12:17am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Diane Porter)

Hi Diane,
You mentioned some very key points. I'm also experiencing the VERY same issue. I also have witnessed my boyfriend masturbate, by accident several times, and he has no idea that I know. Do you think this could be a reason why we haven't had sex in 2 months? Our relationship is serious but sex is very important to me. He is in school and working but we've always had time for it in the past. Any advice would be appreciated.

August 1, 2010 - 12:57pm
(reply to Diane Porter)

bottom line, im a nurse and he was my administrator and he heavily pursued a relationship with me approx 10 months ago, well his boss just got word of it, and i was laid off tues 5-19 i believe. i covered his butt, lied to his boss said it wasnt true and so forth. I am a single mom of two, he gave me his word he would support me etc... hes been a major ass since then, i ended it today, he keeps talkin getting married, where's the engagement ring??? The sex issue has been a prob for a while, im 32 and not to be vain, but very attractive. Hes 29 and never had a successful or long lasting relationship. I think theres something wrong with him. I started to move in with him, just to put myself at peace of what would have happened, but stayed with him for 3 weeks, while of course keeping my residence, and after losing my job, he started calling me names, ignoring me, etc...i gathered my things and got the hell out. Very tempted to call his boss and tell on him. Currently lookin for another job, looks like i will be putting my stuff in storage and living in a womans shelter, id rather do that than be emotionally abused and belittled. It would not be pretty.

May 23, 2010 - 3:08pm
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