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Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

By May 19, 2009 - 9:46am
 
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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Diane Porter)

My boyfriend says that sex is not one of his priorities. He does not cheat and is thoughtful and considerate. He just does not like to have sex..Seducing him does not work at all. He just gets annoyed and now we dont have sex at all and I am embarassed when I try to initiate sex...He is ijust not interested. We had sex in the beginning, it wasnt great, but I did feel alot closer to him. I don't know what to do. He keeps busy, does not say he's tired or anything lilke that. He just says he doesnt think it should be so important in a realationship. I am getting depressed.

January 10, 2011 - 5:09pm
(reply to Anonymous)

Sexual incompatibility can be a deal breaker in any relationship if you can't find middle ground with your partner. Self-stimulation would be one workaround, or ask your boyfriend to help you feel more connected. If he won't budge on helping you to feel satisfied, and not ashamed of your needs, I believe there may be a better match out there for you, but it's your call. You may want to do some soul searching to decide how invested you truly are in this relationship. If you need intimacy (not unrealistic at all), and your boyfriend claims he doesn't, that is a fundamental difference. You've got to do what's right for you in this regard. I understand it won't be easy either way, but if you are following through with what you know you need to be happy, then it will be worth it.
Good luck, and let us know how you're doing.

January 11, 2011 - 8:29am
(reply to Diane Porter)

Hi,

I am in a similar situation, I'm 22, male, in a relationship with a girl for 2 months. My first relationship and really first sexual relationship. I'm not over interested in having sex anymore, from the first time I had sex it didn't feel overly pleasurable, I couldn't get off. I have gotten off many times now with this girl but it doesn't feel as good as when I do it myself. Now im not really interested in having sex anymore... I read this comment and I kind of fit that profile, I started university , a new job (in the army, which is quite stressful) I haven't been working out nearly as much as i use to, I am on anti depressants (cipralex 5mg) my diet is not as good. This situation is stressing me out a lot as well. Do you know of anything I can do? Thanks for any help you can offer.

December 7, 2010 - 3:53pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Diane Porter)

i am going throught the same thing, my guy used to keep me satisfied even when he couldn't perform, now i dont get anything at all and its been almost a month, i am horribly depressed and dissapointed, and the other night he took total advantage of me , it was very short and all about him, i'm really starting to dislike him now, on top of being totally frustrated, he is 45 and on high blood pressure meds but it hardly affected him in the past, i am so hurt now it's been about 14 months now and things turned around for thr worst i feel neglected and used , it used to be great, i am 39 in my prime

November 1, 2010 - 7:21pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Diane Porter)

i am going throught the same thing, my guy used to keep me satisfied even when he couldn't perform, now i dont get anything at all and its been almost a month, i am horribly depressed and dissapointed, and the other night he took total advantage of me , it was very short and all about him, i'm really starting to dislike him now, on top of being totally frustrated, he is 45 and on high blood pressure meds but it hardly affected him in the past, i am so hurt now it's been about 14 months now and things turned around for thr worst i feel neglected and used , it used to be great, i am 39 in my prime

November 1, 2010 - 7:21pm
(reply to Diane Porter)

hi, um I'm new to this, but I am seriously concerned about me and my boyfriend, he's been talking to his ex's and I don't have a problem with that because they are 2 very nice girls, its just the fact that after he has spoken to them, he talks down to me, and I dont understand why? We're both 16 and we have been together nearly 10 months, but on and off for 3 years, he's not a very affectionate person and i have always known this but recently things have become strange, he doesnt seem to want to touch me sexually anymore, like last night, he invited me over, and he was on his playstation so i tried to make a move on him, but he just shrugged me off, to begin with i thought he was messing around so i tried again until he snapped at me and told me to get off, he later turned his playstation off, and came and lied with me in his bed, so i tried kissing him neck and he just told me to get off again. So i just looked at him and said why wont you let me touch you? and he just said i'm trying to do stuff, but he wasnt he was just watching tv, i explained how i felt, and it seemed like he didnt know what was going on, he could he i was upset and was hugging me and kissing my forehead, but he didnt tell me why he didnt want me touching him and he's never been like this before.
We've both just started college and he is taking gym and fitness, his diet has changed a little, but not significantly, although he is now on muscle and weight gain powder, we're both getting a little less sleep due to starting college and he's doing quite a bit more exercise.. if that would afect anything? please help :( xx

September 21, 2010 - 3:04am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to OverWorried)

hey beautiful,

I understand that you're 16, what a great age... may not seem like it. Many of the women here are much older... Good you acknowledge your feelings are just as important as his now... Don't waste another few years. Date someone else. PLEASE.. never let anyone talk down to you at all, its not love, its actually a way for him to control you. I am in my 20s, I experienced my share of "bad" boyfriends when I was your age until I was 19. And you can change your life now... I think you should break up with him. Tell him you need time to figure out what you want in life... You are 16 now, but 20s are right around the block. good luck

that girl
{email address removed by moderator}

September 21, 2010 - 12:39pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

this advisce is dumb. why should she break up with him? They are kids. And what kid knows what they want? What about her trying to talk about it with him and see how he feels... My boyfriend told me sex makes him not want to work out, thats why we do it less now. He loves me sex or no sex and im 18 and he is 21. And he isnt gay, he can't stand homosexuals. He just goes to the gym usually only for a few hours, goes to school and sleeps with me with no sex. But I think its because he is tired from working out. Should I break up with him because of that? And, I've read your other comments, are you actually a doctor or a pissed ex?

September 21, 2010 - 12:54pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

lol,

actually, as i was getting out of the shower this morning, he came in for his, and decided to keep me in his shower. Need I say more.. I get it often, and I'm the "tired" one.

ANYWHO, she mentioned speaking with him but not getting a response. By the way, we work out, and he is training for an event, but he has yet to be too tired for me... He actually read a few of these comments oneday, laughed, said that he had NO idea women go through this, and told me maybe I should be a relationship coach. So, nope not a doctor, but I've been proposed to several times, and tend to have well balanced relationship with my partner. What is the reasoning behind giving your life to someone not willing to give back. There are medical reasons for not being very sexual. I'm not sure that this is the case with the young girl.

September 21, 2010 - 1:09pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Wow, lady, thank you for rubbing it in. I do not understand how your comment was appropriate in any way. Why would someone with "balanced" relationship who didn't have to go through issues like these leave a comment on this thread? Inappropriate and bluntly obnoxious. What we all have left is to be happy for you two. Try leaving with your man if he goes on Xanax, come back and report please.

May 1, 2012 - 3:52pm
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