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Should I keep on holding on?

By Anonymous December 4, 2018 - 8:23am
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I've been with my husband for 12 years till this day we have children together. We are not married, but I call him my husband. We've had plenty of issues throughout our relationship ups and downs I believe I've been the only one trying harder because of the children and because I've always love him. He says he loves me, for me saying it is different than showing it. And he doesn't show it most of the times maybe in his own way. There's no comunication, I try talking about my day or how I feel, about the children and apparently I catch him at the wrong time. See if he's not working he is either sleeping wich I can't interrupt he's sleep or he'll get mad, eating or watching tv wich he does a lot, also I cannot interrupt him. So when can I talk to him? I tried talking to him when he came home from a 12 hr shift he said he's too tired right now. He's a great father that I can't complain. I'm starting to think he's just with me for not being alone. We don't visit family or friends anymore he's anti social. He's not caring at all about he's health, I have tried talking to him. How can you talk to someone who won't accept advice admit when he is wrong or when he needs help. I know I need help. I have deppresion, anxiety and lord knows what else I went back to school thinking a little social life, getting my education back on track might help a little and it actually is helping. Are there other women out there going through the same, what is there to do?

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HERWriter Guide

Hello Anon

Thank you for writing!

You are in a difficult position. Having a husband is distinct from having a boyfriend or partner inasmuch as you have a lot more legal rights when you are married. Marriage is not just a piece of paper as it also shows a commitment to adhering to those legal rights, as well as love and friendship and the possibility of raising children together. But that certainly doesn't mean that all married people are committed.

It's a good thing that your partner is an active and involved father. It seems he may have checked out of his relationship with you. Being tired isn't a good enough excuse in the long run. Many couples work 40-50 hours a week and still spend plenty of time with their children and spouses. But this takes a bit of effort.

His anti-social stance does not have to be yours. Make sure you see family and friends as much as you can and it's fantastic that you have gone back to school - well done!

Anon, if your partner won't communicate, you can't make him. And you can't fix him. Suggest counseling for both of you and if he refuses, then go for yourself. It seems like you have some very important decisions to make. If you want changes, you may have to make them yourself. Get your ducks in a row (financially) and keep your education and therapy moving along. You owe it to yourself.


December 4, 2018 - 4:20pm
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