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My partner doesn't find me sexually attracted! help??

By July 29, 2011 - 12:34pm
 
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Hi, my partner and I have been together for 5 years and have 2 kids, I obviously gained a bit of weight since I had my children and my partner is not sexually attrated to me, he tries and It hurts him that he isn't. we talk about everything but I dont what to do!! any ideas??

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if your not comfortable with yourself then i think getting in shape would help your self esteem. But i don't think getting in shape to make your husband happy is healthy. I understand you want him to be attracted to you, who doesn't? I would be hurt if my partner wasn't attracted to me because i had gained weight. Try getting in shape for yourself, not him. That can give you a good confidence boost. Take the kids with you even your husband! Just do it for YOU! Make yourself feel beautiful, don't rely on others. When you feel good about yourself, everyone around you will see it and reciprocate.

August 23, 2011 - 5:02pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

BTW I know he watches porn once in the blue moon, cheating, unsure, he doesnt have time for it but I just dont know!!

August 22, 2011 - 1:24pm
(reply to Anonymous)

yes it hurts when the one you love looks at other women especially when you feel they are prettier and skinnier than you, my man still does it tho I had lost my weight got to a very healthy weight at that and on top was toned :-) now like I said in my previous comment I am pregnant again so they weight will come with it tho I am doing everything I can to not gain as much! some men just cant help themselves. my man tells me im beautiful every day tho seems to still look at others it does hurt au times but the way I get through it is to look at then and think she may be pretty and skinny but I have the most gorgeous personality and nothing can beat that! your man is with you for a reason you just gotta find that reason as it obviously is a main thing that your man is with you for if he had nothing that he liked or loved about you I doubt he would be with you. maybe ask him what if most likes about you and you do the same for him have it a game or a questionnaire to make it fun. hope ive helped :-)

August 22, 2011 - 5:59pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

thank u for your help! I have been out walking and sweating till i feel i done good, i have losst about 6 pounds in 2 weeks which i am very happy about, im feelin a lot better towards my self, but my partner and I seem 2 be on different terms. Today i caught him checking someone out, he denied at first and then admitted it i asked him 2 do it more discretely and he agreed. Now we have talked about it tonight and I said sorry I madde it a big deal its just she was very pretty and very slim, I sed i guess it was cause shes prettier then me, ll he had to say was ok. no don't be stupid ur prettier or nothing!! it seems like no matter what I do he will not be attracted to me less im a stick!!

August 22, 2011 - 1:22pm

having kids also make it easier (in a sense) to loose weight, have fun with your children, take them to the park and chase them around the grass. Dance at home to their favourite dance songs like the wiggles put your back in to the actions, just hope no one is looking through the window at you dancing around to the wiggles seriously lmao :) its really fun tho lift your kids a lot up and down it will strengthen your arm muscles :)

August 1, 2011 - 5:23pm

You can also take the kids with you. i use to put my daughter in the stroller and just walk and walk. Try it, and remember when you wake up in the morning look at yourself in the mirror and smile. Know that you are beautiful whether he wants to see it or not. I hope this works out for you.

August 1, 2011 - 5:15pm

ive had 2 children,before my first i weighed only 47 kilos for my short height this is a little under weight, i gained over 20 kilos (went up to 78 kilos) with my first after i lost most my weight went down to 62 kilos so still a lot more than i was before children, then very soon after my first was born i fell pregnant again the 62 kilos went back up to 78 kilos so i gained 16 kilos in the second pregnancy. It was hard to get off the weight after, i seemed to go through phases of loosing and gaining, my youngest child is now 4 and a half and went down to 56 kilo which is in my healthy weight range, i now weigh 60 kilos and currently pregnant again lol. I did go through the stage where i thought my man was not attracted to me he did not say such thing but it was in my face. So i read a few articles and found some very interesting! My favourite quote i found was. : if you dont or cant love your self, or feel attracted to your self : why expect someone else to feel that way ? ..... So the advice there says: learn to love your self, have confidence that you can become attractive. Positive words everyday help you get through but most important BELIEVE IN YOUR SELF. Get those trackpants, tank tops and sneakers on pull some head phones out music always helps :) and go for a good 30 min walk. Make sure your heartbeat stays up for the whole time work a sweat :) do that 3 times a week to start off with and you should have no problems. ttle under weight, i gained over 20 kilos (went up to 78 kilos) with my first after i lost most my weight went down to 62 kilos so still a lot more than i was before children, then very soon after my first was born i fell pregnant again the 62 kilos went back up to 78 kilos so i gained 16 kilos in the second pregnancy. It was hard to get off the weight after, i seemed to go through phases of loosing and gaining, my youngest child is now 4 and a half and went down to 56 kilo which is in my healthy weight range, i now weigh 60 kilos and currently pregnant again lol. I did go through the stage where i thought my man was not attracted to me he did not say such thing but it was in my face. So i read a few articles and found some very interesting! My favourite quote i found was. : if you dont or cant love your self, or feel attracted to your self : why expect someone else to feel that way ? ..... So the advice there says: learn to love your self, have confidence that you can become attractive. Positive words everyday help you get through but most important BELIEVE IN YOUR SELF. Get those trackpants, tank tops and sneakers on pull some head phones out music always helps :) and go for a good 30 min walk. Make sure your heartbeat stays up for the whole time work a sweat :) do that 3 times a week to start off with and you should have no problems.

August 1, 2011 - 4:43pm

I have the same issue. not so much the weight because quite honestly he has gained more than I have but I find that he is into porn way more than he is into me.I've also tried turning him on and coming to him for sex or intimacy but it doesnt seem to work.

i recommend you try loving yourself more and getting away from what he thinks of you. If you don't come to him for intimacy eventually he WILL come to you. if he doesn't, there may be someone else. is that not a question in your mind?

July 31, 2011 - 5:02pm

gaining weight is so easy you didn't let yourself go you had kids i'm the same way 3 kids and i bloated up i think maybe you should try to shed some pounds or maybe try to look more appealing do your hair, your nails and maybe he'll be more attractive towards you.

July 30, 2011 - 4:50pm

well before i had my first i was very skinny, after the first i went back down but the second came so soon afterwards and i suffered with postnatal depression and gained weight as i emotionally ate, I am not that big, but stil too big for him, i would love some tips. We have talked about it many times and he has told me that he doesn't want to hurt my feelings because he loves me too much, but i finally got him 2 be honest and he said that he wasnt attracted sexually due to my weight, i know he doesnt want to hurt me he never says nasty things too me, but will drop hints like, shouldn't you have a smaller portion or when are you going to go for a run. It hurts me more to think I try so hard to shed the extra pounds but get nowhere with it. I just dont know where to go from here, we both are very much in love as we are planning are wedding but I need my sex life back, also he is very shy when it comes down to a sexual conversation.
thanks

July 29, 2011 - 4:03pm
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