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My boyfriend masterbates while I'm sleeping

By November 30, 2011 - 6:24pm
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Hello. The other night I woke up in the middle of the night because the bed was shaking. At first, I didn't really know what was going on because it took my senses a while to come back to me. The television was still on and all the lights were off, but my boyfriend was shaking the bed. I started to ask him what the hell he was doing, but before I completely turned my head I saw his shadow on the wall. He was masterbating vigorously. I didn't know what to do or say so I just continued to lay still and quiet to try to let him finish. Well 25 minutes later I'm still laying there waiting for him to finish. We had already had sex three times that day so I was very confused as to why he was up masterbating. I felt two very different emotions at the same time...confusion and excitement. I'm not sure which one I felt more, but they both were very powerful. As I lay there listening and slightly watching him, I was getting excited. I have never seen him do it before, and since he didn't know I was watching he was very into it. Eventually he abruptly stopped masterbating so I closed my eyes and pretended to be sleep. Then I felt him roll over closer to me and start to take my pants off. He then proceeded to have sex with me. Well it didn't last very long (because he spent most of his time masterbating) so I got very frustrated. I wanted to know why he would get himself almost to the edge and then "wake me up" to finish. I felt that was a very selfish thing for him to do because I couldn't get any enjoyment out of it. For a couple of minutes I said nothing because I really didn't want him to feel embarrassed knowing that I saw him masterbating. As I lay there I got more and more frustrated so I said something to him.

Unfortunately he got an attitude and the conversation turned into a heated disagreement. He said that he just wanted to have an orgasm and figured he would give himself one. He also said that sometimes he doesn't climax when we have sex and he doesn't know why so he tries to masterbate it out later. I became even more confused because if that was the case he would not have turned over and had sex with me to finish himself off.

I guess my question is...is this normal? Do guys do things like this often? How should I feel about this? We never really finished our conversation because he got mad at me and then I got mad at him. I told him it was rude to do it laying right in the bed next to me, and even ruder to "wake me up" without caring about the fact that I was getting no pleasure because he was already almost done. What should I do?

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EmpowHER Guest

Good Lord people, don't be so emotional about it! Self love can be fun! Be experimental both with your partner as well as your self. When I catch my husband masturbating it's fucking hot! So I make sure he catches me! ...but not every time! Dame with him. Some times it's super hot foreplay talking about what you did to yourself... thinking about your partner... or Channing Tatum! Lol Try to set your hang ups aside and have fun! Life is too short to be caught by hang ups! Be free!

February 16, 2017 - 9:11pm
EmpowHER Guest

I honestly don't see a reason to be upset with him, if he is having problems getting off maybe you should help him. My boyfriend and I never usually have any problems but if there is a problem and he needs to finish I will make out with him while he's masterbating so that he can finally climax. This is very rare, but it can happen especially if he fights off his organism during sex by slowing way down so it can last longer. It's about compromise. Honestly even when he masterbates, it's a turn on to me as well

November 18, 2016 - 6:52am

My boyfriend does the same while I'm sleep r woke then he lies about it and says I'm delusional when I know what is going on in bed next to me. I don't know what to do I'm in love with him and we r expecting our 1st child together but I can't take this any longer it's making me crazy. Why does he do this and for what reason? He doesn't have sex with me as much as he masturbates. I'm totally game if he lets me join in but he always say I'm imaging that's he's doing it. Should I leave and say the hell with him r should I try to make him understand that we can both be happy with this as long as we do this together. Whatever it is I'm ready to make that move.

July 13, 2016 - 2:30am
EmpowHER Guest

oh dear lord this thread is full of delusional women.

June 27, 2016 - 11:31pm
(reply to Anonymous)

Of course I knew someone would say crap like "we are delusional" but whatever say whatever you wanna say but let me tell you something when a woman wants some from her man and even says something like "hey sweetheart you wanna do it" and not much of a reply and just sits there and plays games so anyways both are laying down and the man thinking woman is asleep but she's not and he starts playing with himself and your back is turned to him but you turn over and instantly you see his hand stops moving...bed is not shaking and so you stay laying like that so he either rolls over with his back to you or faces you but he's trying to be more secerative but the woman can still tell what man is doing plus the man raises his head looking towards your direction but if he realizes you awake man stops but if woman pretends to be asleep then the man continues to jack off and the man will even step as low as when he raises his head to see if you awake or not and realizes you are he puts his head back down but shakes his head. Oh and if woman ask man about it guess what mine says " I can't help what I dream...I don't have any control of what I dream.....I'm like excuse me but how in the hell a man be dreaming when he raises his head and looks at you and stops then proceeds like really.... seriously....umm no I don't think so!!!! The man isn't dreaming...he is faking he's asleep and jacking off...this happens almost every night and do we have sex? Hardly ever and you know what I have to say about that it's not delusional whatsoever!!!! Trust me I don't want the feelings of all this bulls#[email protected]$ does to me ..it hurts and makes woman feel unwanted and when woman catchs man trust me we don't want that sh$# in our lives and we sure in the hell not making it up like seriously...crying almost every night....depressed....feeling worthless...I can go on and on but I know it doesn't matter to some people for they are not going through it so until you go through something like this then keep comments to yourself because trust me woman gets plenty of bulls#@$# from man and of course we not allowed to say anything for man don't know sh#@# and blows up but us women go through his sh#$ every damn night and trust me it's worse feeling to have..
Also another thing woman is with man for year and haven't witness nothing like this from man until bam 2 or 3 months ago but for some reason all of a sudden oh I'm having dreams and decided to play with self and act like he's not doing a dam thing and it's like us women are stupid and don't know no better...uh wrong! Like I said I can go and on but I'm done!

May 22, 2018 - 9:08am
EmpowHER Guest

First off I didn't want to upset some of you women but here's a fact for you. Did you know most guys with normal sexual health wake up 3-5 times a night with a hardon. It's perfectly normal and actually would be something to worry about if they don't.
In my case it wakes me up, this could be due to the fact that we go through REM sleep cycles and we usually wake towards the end of them. The longer the REM the more likely to wake that's why you usually remember your last dream.
Anyway if like me your fella wakes up and has a hard on it could very well be that he's doing what's programmed naturally into him to get back to sleep! Not waking you up, wanting a decent sleep himself and doing something about it.

Now I'm not saying this is the case in every one of the statements above but try having a little compassion and not just thinking the guys literally a tosser or worse addicted to porn. He might actually be functioning normally and be getting annoyed with the fact he can't sleep! It could be the case in years to come where and again this is well documented that this stops and he struggles getting hard due to age. This will be crushing for him and he'll be mortified.

So ladies don't let midnight, during the night or morning wood insult you. I'm not saying it's the case in every case but maybe not take it so much as an insult. Talk to you guys and show some understanding. You may get pissed that he doesn't wake you up, he might not want to to not disturb your sleep, he may even just be so knackered that like me sometimes it's just the only way to get back to sleep and sex would be an absolute mission.
I love my partner, I love sex with her and would miss it dearly but sometimes or in fact quite often I have to "knock one out" just to get back to sleep.

Give your guys a rest. Literally.

It's not all bad and don't naturally think the worst.

June 18, 2016 - 7:41pm
EmpowHER Guest

I caught my husband doing the same thing. He was shaking the bed and i looked over at him and he's watching a video on his phone just going at it, vigorously masturbating. I got really pissed because he KNOWS I love sex and he didnt bother waking me up. He gave me some bullshit story of wanting to be respectful and not wake me up to get him off. I think what pissed me off the most isnt the fact of him masturbating. Its the fact that he prefers the porn stars to his own wife. Needless to say we got into a heated argument about it. He told me to just drop it and I asked him this: if it were me and the roles were reversed, you'd be pissed off too, wouldn't you? See it from the woman's point of view. So.. That's my advice or all the men out there that do this shit. See it from our point of view. Put yourself in our shoes and think of what we go through when you do this.

June 11, 2016 - 4:37pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have had similar problems with my fiancé. He doesn't do it right next to me though. The other morning I woke up and he was in the bathroom masterbating after watching porn on his phone. I just don't understand why he would rather watch trashy females and masterbate to it than wake me up and have a quickly with me. He knows I have no problem being woke up for something like that. He says he has no sex drive and I'm lucky if we have sex twice a month but I've caught him beating off to that bullshit quite a few times. Am I just not satisfying his needs? Or is he just not attracted to me anymore

May 3, 2016 - 9:11pm
EmpowHER Guest

My husband broke my heart last night. We were snuggling. Then I went to touch him and he stop ped me and said he had a headache and just wanted to go to bed. I told him that I would help get rid of his headache, but he said that makes it worse. So we ended up just going to bed. A few minutes later I started feeling the bed shake and him making noises. I was so upset. He'd rather be with himself then with me and did he really have a headache?! Well after he finished I started feeling everything all over again, and then he moved around and I started hearing a sucking sound. He was giving himself a blowjob! Seriously! For someone who just wanted to get to sleep cause of a headache. When that was done he stated all over again, and he did the blowjob again! And this time when he finished he got up and went into the bathroom. I figured this was my chance. I sat up in bed. When he came back in the room he asked me if I was ok. I told him he broke me heart. He asked me why and I said cause 'you didn't want to be with me tonight'. His respond was that he's so tired and his head hurts he just needs sleep. I just couldn't get myself to say anything. He had no idea I've just been laying in bed listening to him and crying. Thinking how he doesn't want to be with me. And this entire year, we've only had sex 7 times! I'm going crazy. He never wants to be with me. And after he got back in bed he continued his masterbation sessions all night long. I finally fell asleep at somepoint and when I woke up he was still at it. And this isn't the first night this has been like this. The past 3 nights have been non stop for him. Which have been no sleep for me just listening. I just really have no idea how to bring this up to him. I know he told me over a year ago that he masterbates a lot. But he's never been like this. January 1st is our 5 year wedding anniversary and I'm just so depressed right now thinking he's not happy with me. And I really just need to get this sick feeling out of my stomach. He doesn't need to stop masterbating, I just don't feel comfortable with it going on all night and being turned down when I want to be with him.

December 29, 2015 - 3:13pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

oh what i believe hes loving to masterbate an you should not mind enjoy it i would get off on watching him at least hes not hiding it from you maybe if you watcrd him you would want to do yourself whatever makes them feel good is what is best enjoy dont ruin it thers nothing better than watching someone masterbate i can cum just watching an if i touch myself while watching i will go bazerk its so good so dont miss out by being mad join in an he may be hinting to you to do this so he can watch ypou.he is loving what hes doing to himself an thers nothing wrong with that to my thoughts it thrilling i could watch it an listen everyday of my life all day .just watch his face an how hes loving it but i can say ive never saw anyone give themselves a blow job that would blow my mind maybe im a bit wierd but just relax being mad is no good you need to jerk the bed while he is tell him hes turning you on an go for it, its also good to jack them off i can cum doing that id rather have this kind of sex than any honey take my advice you wont b sleeping cause you wont stop doing this im excited to give my opinion to you this is my kind of thing an i also like watching women please themselves im a wierdo maybe but id love to be in your shoes for a few nights trust me relax an get it on you will thank me later on what advice i have given you cause it will turn your world into pure pleasure please do this an you will not regret it i promise even if you dont want to make yourself an see what happens have fun its great

November 3, 2016 - 12:16pm
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