I'm newly in a relationship and I'm unsure about how to manage my sex life.

By Anonymous February 8, 2019 - 8:47am

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My boyfriend and I are both first-year students at a high-ranking university, where our schedules are packed and academic work always has to be a priority. We've been together since October, and I love him with all my heart, but I'm finding sex to be a difficult thing to grasp. We were sexually active at the very beginning of our relationship, but our lives are extremely busy during term time and I suffer from multiple mental health issues. These factors, combined with the fact that my boyfriend doesn't have an especially high sex drive, means that occasions when we're both ready for sex are becoming rarer and rarer. We're very physically intimate and we care for each other well, but I'm starting to miss the times when sex was always a priority. I'm on a medication which makes me extremely drowsy after drinking, and as alcohol is very important to our lives here it's difficult for me to avoid it; this often means I'm out like a light before we can even think about sex. Does anybody have any advice on how I could work around these difficulties? Would love to hear from some older, more experienced women- I've tried seeking advice from friends in relationships, but most of them don't have busy lives like ours: there's a reason relationships really aren't common in places like this!

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Helena Guide

Hello, Anon! Thank you for posting. I can say that stressing over this will not help. Even if the sex is not as often as you might like when you do have the time (and inclination), make it special any way you can. You can't help how the medication makes you feel, and if it's working well, your doctor might not want to risk changing it or lowering the dosage. However, I think your situation will improve if you stop drinking. It's not helping put you in the mood for sex, but rather the opposite effect.

Best.

Helena

February 8, 2019 - 2:52pm