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I am getting really upset. My boyfriend doesn't seem interested in having sex with me...

By April 8, 2011 - 6:02am
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I am 24 and he is 47. We have been together for about a year and a half, living together for a year. Before anyone comments on the age thing, know that we love each other very much, and if anyone were to see us together they wouldn't think a thing of it -we fit :) The reason I include our ages is that I wonder if that is the reason for the decline?
We used to have sex everyday, now it's about once a week. It is really taking an axe to my self confidence. I have tried initiating things. I have dropped hints like bombs. For example I asked him to bring me home batteries for my 'toys'

He asked me why?... and I told him it's because I'm not getting enough from him...
I have gone about it in nicer ways too, I don't get it?! A vibrator is not an acceptable substitue! I want to make love, share love, be loved! I've tried being naughty too... I've tried letting my gaurd down and doing freakier things in the bedroom -lol. I know his ex was a real skank. I thought maybe if I let loose a bit he would be more interested... nothing is working...
It's not the actual act that is the problem, we do fabulously there.
It is getting things going. He never wants to. He never reaches for me. It makes me want to cry even when I write this now. Last night his lack of intrest made me so mad I got up, and went to sleep on the couch :(
What is causing this?
I keep thinking he is cheating on me. I really don't think he is. He is such a good man. I have been betrayed by every other guy I have every been with though. I feel like if he is not interested in me he must be interested in someone else.
I am an attractive women, and I have been willing to try whatever, I just don't get it.

How do I get him to want me -the way I want him?

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Girl run! Dont give ur everything to get nothing

February 7, 2016 - 12:07pm
EmpowHER Guest

My boyfriend is 47, I am 42, we have been together 7 months and live together. In the beginning we had sex every day, sometimes 2,3,4 times a day. The sex is the best ever for both of us, really spectacular. But the past month it has been once a week, and even then its like pulling teeth, I always have to initiate. I have tried talking to him, telling him how it makes me feel unloved and undesirable, and it ends up in a fight, with me in tears and him shutting down. Last night he said thats all I want from him. So not true! What healthy man with a naked woman in bed says no? It makes me wonder if he is cheating, especially because he used to be so into it too. I am ready to call it quits, I was in a sexless marriage for years and will not do it again. :(

December 3, 2014 - 6:44am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together 8 months now.. I am 38 and he is 40. It was generally daily. Now not so frequent. My self esteem is pretty low over this. He says it isn't me, but what else am I ti think..He says hes stressed etc. I am stressed too but hello having sex and making love is a good stress relief. Last night, after he teased me again ... let me back up. He teases me saying sexual innuendos. .. and how tonight we are gonna have sex then nothing..so last night after him teasing me.... nothing ... I said nothing but he sorta turned on me as usual...he said I dont satisfy you and I dont make u happy. .. omg he does. . I dont get it.. it makes me so sad and depressed!!

October 28, 2014 - 4:03am
EmpowHER Guest

I have the same problem and I am so unsure of what to do we fight all the time about it and my self esteem is very low now. I am 19 and he is 21 there is no reason he should loose his sex drive expecially at a young age I always worry that this is what it's going to be like in long run but worse. This seems like lots of girl have this same problem and struggle with sex. My boyfriend thinks it is all I care about but to be loved and held is all I want. I know he is not cheating we can usually figure that out but what to do?

January 24, 2013 - 8:54pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have to say i am in a similair situation, and i have only been with my bloke for a year, i am 21 and he 29 and well his sex drive seems to have hit rock bottom, whenever i mention it we have a row or he moans that sex is everthing to me blah blah blah but no its not i just want to have it more tham what we do, granted when we have it its fab but its always me that starts, iove asked him if he wants to split ill walk away nio poblem asked himn if he wants anyone else i get no he just has a low sex dribe but how can this suddenly start, i dont understand.

November 22, 2012 - 2:26pm

Well girls I have been with my partner for 10 yrs I have not had sex in 8 months , I dont understand wats going on I dont get any explanation why He's 41 Im 47 It should be me not willing I no he's stressed at work what better way to unwind is to be with your partner instead of pushing them away and thats whats happening. maybe I should be looking for a new partner

April 13, 2011 - 7:30am

My husband is ten years older than me, and I hate to say this but I think that the age thing does make some difference when it comes to sex. I have always thought that men want it 24/7 no matter what age they are but this is not really true. As younger women we are going to tend to want it more and we are going to have to be patient if we want to be with men who have passed their sexual prime. Of course I know this is different for everyone but I thought I would just share my insight.

April 13, 2011 - 3:36am
EmpowHER Guest

Don't worry. Guys have their reasons. There is that chance he is cheating, but it could always be something like finacial troubles, family drama, etc. This might not be a very good explanation for what might be happening, but I'm only twelve, so sorry if it doesn't help much. :)

April 8, 2011 - 5:11pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

TWELVE?! My God, child, what are you doing responding to a post about sex? On the other hand, you write very well for twelve, so kudos for that.

November 13, 2012 - 8:01am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi looking.for.answers,

Unfortunately, the answers to your questions have to come from him. Each person is different and there are many things that may cause him to reject sex. In some instances, he may be cheating. Perhaps, he has been stressed at work and hasn’t told you about it.

For a simple answer, men do not lose sexual desire over time. Actually, most studies I have read said their sexual interest remains pretty steady over time. So, I think the best thing for you to do is go to the source.

Remember that sex everyday in a relationship is very uncommon. Sex once a week is also uncommon. Most married couples have sex once a month or less. I am sure if you approach him carefully and cautiously (don’t forget, men love their egos), you may be able to get your answer.

Good luck,

April 8, 2011 - 6:26am
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