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I am a 49 women and I feel like I'm losing my mind more and more every year. I was first diagnosed with bi-polar disorder in 1993 after the murder of my sister. I didn't feel this was a fair diagnosis because of the trauma I was going through at the time so I refused medication. I checked into rehab in Feb 09 for alcohol addiction and so began the very painful decline in my mental health. Truthfully, it had been declining all along, but I medicated with alcohol to cope with the mood swings. Being sober and bipolar feels worst than being drunk and being bipolar. After getting out of treatment three other doctors confirmed the diagnoses of bi-polar, plus adding post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorder, bulimia nervosa, shopping addiction....and on and on. I am currently taking Risperidone, Prozak and Valproic Acid and continue to live on an emotional rollercoaster. Out of curiosity I Googled 'is bi-polar progressive' and didn't like what I found. Can anyone out there relate to my situation??? I am down to working three days per week and at that find it very hard to cope. I try to take things one day at a time but am nervous for my future and that of my family. I will be entering a mood disorders clinic on April 30 so I am hoping they can help me stabilize. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
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Add a Comment29 Comments
My name is denct36
June 1, 2010 - 5:46pmThis Comment
Cathy,
I truly know what you are going through as I've had similar emotions and feelings. I'd be glad to talk sometime.
~Rachael
May 22, 2010 - 3:57pmThis Comment
Hi Rachel - thanks for your comments. I've never 'chatted' on line before so I feel abit weird about it but I would like to find out how other people cope with work especially.
May 25, 2010 - 7:43pmThis Comment
Cathy,
There is a wonderful chat room for people who are bipolar and/or dealing with depression and/or anxiety. Most of the people in it are bipolar. You can chat with people or just watch their conversations. You can ask them anything -- they are incredibly helpful in sharing information about meds, lifestyle, how they live with their disorders, and more. Here's the link:
www.mixednuts.net
And then just click where it says "Click for depression chat." It will ask y ou to choose a nickname and then let you into the chat. There are wonderful people there. One of the best things of all is that when you are having a good day, the people there understand, and when you are having a bad day, they REALLY understand. (Like that thing about family members who think you can fix it by just staying positive -- that happens to a lot of us.)
Take a peek. I think you will feel that you're not so all alone.
May 27, 2010 - 8:27amThis Comment
You're an Angel! Thank you. I will definately check it out. Do you have a 'chat name' - i'll look for you. Where do you live Diane. I live in Victoria, BC, CANADA.
Cathy
May 27, 2010 - 9:30amThis Comment
I'm in Phoenix, AZ. Look for me as artgirl :)
May 27, 2010 - 9:43amThis Comment
I will look for you Artgirl!
May 27, 2010 - 10:41amThis Comment
Anon - Thanks for your comments and for sharing your story. Sounds like you've been through a lot over the years. In reading your comments I saw that you've mentioned the medications you're on, but you didn't mention whether you're getting any type of counseling that will help you deal with the emotional trauma you've been going through since 1993. Will the Mood Disorders Clinic provide that type of support or is it mainly focused on medicating you? And, do you have any kind of support system - family, friends, even strangers that you are able to talk to in an open manner? Do you have specific goals you plan to take with you to the Mood Disorders Clinic or are you waiting to see what they will do? Or do you feel so bad that you're at a loss as to what to do? Sometimes figuring out what direction we need to go in means taking some steps back to look at the overall picture and get down to our very basic needs and start from there. Does that make sense to you? Where would you like to be in one year? five years? ten years? and what do YOU think will get you there?
I look forward to hearing your thoughts and hope this is helpful.
April 22, 2010 - 5:25pmTake care, Pat
This Comment
I'm not receiving specific counselling for the trauma; however, I have been seeing a psychiatric who has been monitoring/adjusting my meds. She has referred me to the mood disorder clinic where a fresh pair of eyes will be able to look at my case and I suspect try other medications. I have no information at this point about the mood disorder clinic; I'll find out more on the 30th. Over the years I have received counselling, especially at the time of my sister's death.
As for support, my husband and children try to understand but they can't help believe that if I just stay positive I'll overcome the depression etc.; you are what you create kind of thing. My parents feel the same way although both my brothers have been diagnosed with bi-polar as well.
As for the direction I would like to go in and or goals for myself, I would like to be able to maintain working parttime (3 days per week), work at getting out of debt, lose weight, and live life without fear of what I might do next. I would like to NOT be at the mercy of my brain. I would like to be able to set goals and actually follow through with them. I tend to set goals when manic and then quickly let them go as the downward spiral begins. I'll be sure to go into my visit appointment with some goals clearning in place - I think that will be helpful. Thanks for your input!
Cathy
April 24, 2010 - 12:17pmThis Comment