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I'm recently married and my new husband and I have started talking about having a baby together. Not right away, but maybe we'd start trying in the next year or two. I have a couple of teenagers from my previous marriage and this is his first marriage (no kids). The problem is timing - we're not getting any younger!! We're both in our 40's - I'll be turning 45 later this year, and when I had my last baby at age 31, I thought I was totally done having kids. I never would have dreamed I'd even be thinking about another baby, but of course I never ever dreamed I'd get divorced and then remarried.
My question to other moms out there is what your opinion is on having a baby later in life. I'd love to know ALL your feelings on this. At the moment, I'm so enjoying my teenagers and love the fact that they're each becoming so independent and that we can do so many fun things together. I love my independence as well, and how much easier this part of my life is. As much as I'd love to have a baby with my husband at some point, I'm wondering if adding a new baby into the mix would be completely insane at this "middle-aged" stage of the game. What do you think? I could sure use some advice!
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I had my second child at 41 years old. I was told by all my doctors not to do it because I also have Lupus and a few other autoimmune diseases. I had a CVS and everything came out fine. My water broke at 31 weeks and I spent 20 weeks in the hospital trying to prolong my pregnancy to allow my baby to grow. Other than that my baby is beautiful and intelligent; and now 3 years old!! I have her and a 12 year old and love being an older parent. Though do worry about how long I will have to work and the age I will be when my baby marries. I would like another baby but will now be turning 45 yrs. old and have more concerns about the age. I would say if you want another baby then do it but do it by informing yourself; genetic appts., CVS, amnio, and research about disabilities that can occur in children of older mothers. Good luck.
July 15, 2012 - 9:56amThis Comment
How exciting? Congratulations!! I'm 43 and I'm not so sure I'd be brave enough to have another baby at this point in my life, but I think it's awesome that more and more women in their 40's are having babies. I think we're more experienced and "settled" at this point in our lives compared to 20 years ago. Anyway, I just wanted to say "congrats" to you and your family. Please let us know how it goes! Are you sharing whether the baby's a boy or a girl?
June 11, 2009 - 2:38pmThis Comment
Thanks for sharing...congratulations! :-)
I would love to hear more about your pregnancy, as well as your plans for delivery and postpartum. Has anything about this 2nd pregnancy surprised you, compared to your pregnancy 14 years ago (if you can recall?). How have the health care providers treated you? Are you attending birth-education classes? Do you have friends in their mid-40s who are also having babies, or have you found other support networks?
I would personally also like to learn more about the amnio. I have a few friends who are turning 40 this year, and just found out they are pregnant with their 2nd child. They are considering all of their options for genetic testing, and I would love to be able to provide them with some other perspectives from women.
Best wishes!
June 11, 2009 - 12:29pmThis Comment
Deciding to have an amnio or not was very tough... I kept changing my mind! But the care Ive had so far has been excellent and , maybe due to my age Im getting checked more closely with more scans and extra clinic visits. I spent over an hour with the midwife discussing the pros and cons of having an a amnio. The risk was small...less than 1 per cent in my area, which is north Scotland. Having the actual amnio was very straightforward and relatively painless. I could see the needle and fine tubing go into the womb and draw out the fluid. This took about 2 mins! It took longer to scan and ensure baby was safely away from this procedure, which she was.
I did have a bit of discomfort for a couple of days after:like a tugging feeling inside. I was told this would probably be due to the needle going into my tummy!
I would advise anyone who is having an amnio to make sure they rest after and the following day as much as possible to reduce the risk. Having a good medical team around you is a big bonus too!
The worst bit was waiting for the result! I have to say that was very stressful. The relief when told all was well was so huge!! So ...Im glad Ive had it done.
Can I jt add that Im classed as morbidly obese, (lovely eh?!!!) cos my BMI is 38 but so far Ive had a hassle free pregnancy. My BMI was 38 when I gave birth 14 years ago. No doubt the swollen ankles will set in soon!!!!
This time round the quality of care, I would say , so far, has improved: theres much more information / resources handed out too, free of charge.
Sorry to go on a bit but I hope that info about the amnio has helped.
June 12, 2009 - 8:54amBest wishes.
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Mrs Blair had a healthy baby (the natural way) at 45. Do not wait for another 2 years. If afraid of defects and if your husband likes and you can afford try going for a younger ovule and your husband's sperm and you can just as well have a healthy child.
You are also going to read that "Women who decide to have a baby at 45 are branded irresponsible" Ignore such comments and keep your body fit and imagine that you are going to live for 50 years more and by then you baby will be 48, 49 and understanding you stand.
--see another piece of info .... internet .. "Having Babies Over 45" UK
With recent advances in technology, women are getting pregnant and having babies later and later. Many are using advanced reproductive technologies, while others are getting pregnant the natural way. While many older women use donor eggs, many are still conceiving with their own eggs in their early and mid forties. While this is great news for women who have put off having children to further their careers, it should not be assumed that it is easy to get pregnant once you have entered your forties. The odds of miscarriage and birth defects increases tremendously.
Also see 'Baby rates doubles in women over 45 in a decade'By JULIE WHELDON
Last updated at 22:00 31 diciembre 2006
Believe in God
April 19, 2009 - 4:24pmJoy
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It's not too old in my book. When I was growing up, in my neighborhood, the families with lots of kids in them, the mother was always in her 40s by the time the last one came along.
April 11, 2009 - 2:21pmThis Comment
Seekfind, exactly. I am number 7 of 8 kids. Mom had me at 42 and my youngest brother (#8) at 45. Her first child was in her mid 20s. We were all healthy. Mom is now 87 and going strong. Dad passed at 80 but was strong as an ox all the years until he died of cancer.
October 12, 2012 - 11:12pmSo I don't think 45 is old if she is healthy and they BOTH want a child. Adopting is another great option as well. I have many adopted neices and nephews who are all wonderful young adults now.
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Hi anon,
Interesting question...how old is too old to have a baby?
I would love to hear what your thoughts are, as the pros and cons that everyone will provide are most likely the ones you already know. I'm wondering if anyone can really tell you anything you haven't thought of yet? Are you hoping for some inspiration or motivation to make a choice?
I assume the cons are most likely what you will hear the most, as it takes even longer to conceive after the "magical age" of 35, and if/when you conceive, there are higher risks for miscarriage, pre-mature birth, birth defects and so on. Your health and your husbands health are factors, too.
The pros for having children later in life are also plentiful. The phrase "older and wiser" is really true with children, as you have more real-life experiences that will help you parent your child, and as a parent already, you have parenting-skills fined-tuned. You may have more patience, not feel like you are "missing out" on a night-life, etc. You may be more financially secure as well, and feel like you can provide more one-on-one attention without as many distractions.
The question really comes down to you and your husband. There are many women having children in their early-40s, and this is becoming more socially acceptable. Women in their mid-40s and upper-40s is not as common. How would you feel being 5-10 years older than other moms, as far as having the emotional and social support that is so crucial with a newborn, infant and toddler? What are the pros and cons of having a "second family" and another child going into high school and college, once your older children are likely having children of their own?
Are you most concerned with the health-aspects of having a child in your late-40s, whether it be your health, or the health of the baby? I think a real question to ask yourselves is: with an increased chance of a baby with birth defects, what genetic testing would you do, and what would you do if the results came back positive? (Honestly, I think every person and couple having a baby should think about this, regardless of age!).
Are you most concerned about the social aspects of having a child in your late-40s, as far as how old you'll be when they are in high school, college or another milestone? Are you concerned about the social support that you would/would not have? What are your long-term plans for retirement, and are you prepared to have a later-than-typical retirement?
No matter what age of the mom, all of the concerns above are valid and worth thinking-through. It is a tough decision, as women in their 20s, 30s and 40s are having to make choices about having babies and what this does to change their career path, their identity, their social support, finances...everything.
I would love to hear your thoughts! Do you have any questions specifically on how older maternal age impacts the health of the baby or mother, or how it is more beneficial to the baby? Older paternal age is also a factor, that we didn't mention. Let me know if you'd like any additional information, as I'd be happy to research it for you (instead of just my opinion).
Oh, and my last thought. I've realized that when I was trying to decide if it is a "good, smart, wise decision" to have a baby, the answer was always "no". Honestly, it doesn't make sense, if you think about it! Babies and children take time, money, hard-work, patience, dedication, 100% commitment, need constant care and attention, newborns need care 24/7...who would actually say "yes! this sounds like the job for me!?" :-)
I think the reason people have children is because they look at their life years down the road, and see a future with kids. Or, they see a bigger family, or feel like they have more love to give, or some other intangible dream. There are plenty of "reasonable" reasons to not have kids, and the reasons to decide to have kids are primarily the emotional ones...and those intangible reasons can only be made by you and your family.
April 9, 2009 - 1:16pmThis Comment
I just contacted you (the author of this comment) to see if there's any way that I can get in touch with you privately for more info and/or dialogue on this same question. I am replying here so that perhaps it will be easier to find this specific reply so that you/she know(s) what I am what I am referring to in my message. ??? Hopefully it will. Thanks!
September 28, 2015 - 2:47amThis Comment
To share a child's perspective, I think it would be great for you to have a baby at your age as long as you are both healthy; living healthy lifestyles and staying up-to-date with any medical conditions.
I say this because if you had a baby at 45 years old, you would be 66 when you child turns 21. As a 23-year-old, I know how important my parents still are for me. While parents are important at any age, they are particularly pivotal until their child can completely support him/herself.
Of course, many circumstances revolving around death are unpredictable, but you should consider both the perspective of the parent and the child when making this decision.
Good luck with your decision!
Please share your choice and if you feel comfortable, the reasons you make the decision you do.
April 9, 2009 - 1:15pmThis Comment