Thank you for writing.
It does sound like may be dealing with depression although nobody can diagnose you over the internet.
You may be dealing with a kind of depression called Season Affective Disorder (SAD). Seasonal affective disorder can strike anyone. It is characterized by depression that happens roughly the same time each year, and can occur in the fall and continue until the winter is over. It can cause symptoms of moodiness, lack of energy, craving “comfort” foods and can even occur (although more rarely) in the spring and summer months.
This SAD may have let to further depression throughout the year.
RR- how you feel may a result of graduating college and entering the new adult world of work and increased responsibilities.
You may also have a hormonal disorder or thyroid disorder. These can cause depression.
Since you are having thoughts and a voice in you head (these may not be voices like a schizophrenic may have but a very negative subconscious narrative of your own) it's really important to get help.
It's also possible that you may have some sort of schizophrenic disorder.
I would suggest to you that you are dealing with an emergency - if you were feeling like this on a physical level, we would tell you to go to the ER. I think it's equally as important that you seek care for this depression. Please consider this urgent.
Please seek immediate care and get back to us when you can.