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I've been married to him for 22 years have 3 children together. 16.19.21. I was 20 and he was 30 when we met. Boy was I right for the pickin... he really swept me off my feet. I had been shielded and sheltered and was so naive.at the same time I was confident and strong. For years prolly 20 I didn't let him get to me for the most part cause he pushed until he seen I was getting ready to leave then he would stop and throw the charm down. I am very strong. Very strong. As from being molested when I was 4 and in 2001 my father was murdered on xmas eve. Just to say a few. Those times make you or break you and I have an awesome Christian family that sees what I'm living in. Their continuous prayers and support and build up have more doubt saved me. But I'm so confused... I thought our life was perfect we had finally worked through all the bullshit. He had just said how happy and blessed he was and he was happy you could see it on his face. Then March 20 this year he did a sudden pivot called me and he hated his life and I was a fu.k up I f'd everything up I was a pill head etc....girls you know the drill... it shook me off my foundation. I was in shock.. broke my heart...I had accidently let him in my heart all the way...I had always kept him at a distance for this reason. AMD instead if it calming down and him apologizing it continued for 9 months! He disposed me. Treated me like some cheap piece of crap dope whore. I changed everything he wanted me too. O took the blame for everything the last 20 years. Didn't help. always before once he seem me cry realized he had hurt me he felt bad and would immediately stop. Not this time he enjoyed it. I had as nervous breakdown and was suicidal still can't believe that could happen to me ...but he didn't care he kept pushing. I think he wanted me to kill myself.. I had a wreck and am in a lot of pain but intuit getting my pain meds just to prove to him I'm not a dope head. Quit cold Turkey let me tell ya it was rough. Ya know what? It didn't matter inwas still lying and conniving over pills behind his back. The last argument a month ago he got me in the car 90 miles an hour screaming punching the steering wheel. Said he wished he never met me. He hated who I had become. Broke my heart again. It's been a constant break for 9 months. When he calmed he would say he don't know who I am..??? With? But his friends wife is a piece of crap dope head for real... he lost something for me. A certain feeling a look in his eyes a touch... and it ain't coming back... something finally broke in me ... and now I'm done...just waiting till after xmas.. see I've adopted a neglected 2 yr old and it's her first real xmas... anyway so he felt my change...I stopped jumping hurtles 24 hours a day and trying to please him. I tried so hard to show him I really did love him and I really wasn't a piece crap dope head....I know lol I'm so stupid...so he realizes I'm over it and I'm gonna leave...the sob...does another 180 pivots and everything is great!!! With? He's sweet nice loving caring...that's just freaky scary right there...I'm not buying this time...cause it may next week next month next year but out of the blue when it's all good the viper will strike again... I just don't know why he changed so much so quick that he crossed the line he would never cross with me and then did some laps around it. I'm confused as to what really happened... what did he do so bad that he needed to justify? It's just so sad that a 22 year marriage is gone over what? Over nothing...nobody cheated... we weren't fighting... it was great. I know he was happy everyone could see it on his face... then suddenly it changed in one day... I'm getting the heck out of here...I've got family friends that love me. I'm very pretty and I know there's plenty of men that would be good to me and if not that's ok too. I'm moving in with my oldest daughter. So I won't be alone. I'll still be with my family. Our kids can't stand him they all move out as soon as they get 18. They can't stand his manipulating overbearing controlling bs. They can't stand what he's done to me. They say why you out up with that you always got a place to go you're coming to live with me. At the moment I've got several enlarged lymph nodes and prolly getting ready to find out I have cancer. Do you think he cared ? Heck no... I can't believe I've let this go on...this ain't like me... but I'm thankful that I woke up thanks to my sis and bf... I can't wait to start my new life...

December 10, 2018 - 10:40am


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