I left my narc husband a year ago Sept 14, 2016. I've left him before when our son was 7. My son is now 20. We were separated a year. I went back because I saw signs he had changed. WRONG. He just was a able to cloak his sickness in a different wolf package. They are nothing but predators. Really sick. And because I suffer with bipolar disorder and anxiety I was an easy victim. My last mental health hospital stay (I tried to commit suicide) he was so rude to me. He didn't care if I lived or died. I desperately tried to call him before I took the pills to tell him how much I hurt and wanted to die. I told him I was going to kill myself. I wasn't joking. I wasn't crying wolf. I was just praying somehow he would see how desperately I needed him and how adversely his attitude his mental and abusive speech and actions had affected me for two decades. Why don't we believe people when they have shown us time and time again who they are. One poet said When someone shows you who they are believe them!! Well when I called him he said, with as much angst and attitude he could muster "What do you want me to do about it??!!" Now why would I think he would even care. He doesn't even care about our son. Why would he care about me?? I think that's the biggest regret and source of pain I have--I stayed too long and my son has suffered the most. My baby boy has been through so much ugly. We were both victims. But I should have taken my son and left years before. Whenever I don't follow my first mind I REGRET IT!! I saw the handwriting on the wall when our son was 6 months old. I was going to leave then. I should have left. But I allowed my mother in law to talk me out of it. I wanted to keep my family intact so badly. Plus I was not fully aware of his sickness. But something in me said LEAVE. Now 22 years later I see he is a narcissist and there s no cure. So I say to all the victims--it's NOT GOING TO GET ANY BETTER. YOUR MATE IS NOT REPEAT IS NOT GOING TO GET BETTER. THEY ARE ILL. THEY DONT KNOW THEY ARE ILL. BUT THEY ARE. IT ISNT YOU. I thought because of my illness it was all my fault. They want you to believe they. He was "gas lighting" me. Making me think I was the main "crazy" one. He would actually tell me about an event or something he did. If I expressed my displeasure of his actions he would retell the story a totally different way. I would tell him that's not what you just said. He would look at me with this "puzzled" look on his face and say "That's exactly what I just said." Like I'm a fool!! He relished making me feel stupid sad frustrated. He made everything in our home convenient for him. No one else. My son and I got the crumbs that he left over. He loved football. I mean it was his second wife. He would say Well get ready it's football season. You know you're the less loved wife from mid Augus to the super bowl. He would plant himself in front of the tube all day all afternoon into the late hours. Sat & Sun. Then Mon night. Thurs night. I couldn't talk to him unless it was commercial. For years I tried to watch it with him so we could "bond". But he wouldn't even sit on the sofa with me. He sat in the MAN CHAIR with his feet up and I was on the couch. But he would ask if I'd like to have a "quickie" during half time?? I had to attend weddings alone. Gatherings alone. And he wouldn't let me get another tv for our bedroom so my son and I could watch anything. I don't want another tv in this house. I stood up to him and told him I was gonna buy one. He said he'd thrown up out the window!! Now that my son and I have our own places, every time we even hear the sound of a game we cringe and become ill. Football was just another weapon he used to emotionally abuse me. And our son too. Finally he forced me out of our home. He would never leave because that would make him look too bad. But he knew I was past my breaking point. So he just kept putting the pressure on me until I left. In order to save myself I left. My son did too.
People who are in this situation as victims--save yourself and esp your babies. Your mate is not going to change. They won't be happy with you no matter what you do. Why? Because they are sick, ruined by someone probably during their early childhood. Please believe me I sold myself to the Devil to make him happy. I lost myself. I almost lost my life literally several times because of his abuse. People would always remind him of my emotionally fragile state. He didn't care. He didn't give a damn!!! He didn't care about me or his son. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. Now he just whines about how I've given up on our marriage. I left him. I deserted the union. Well now he has what he wants. He's alone. His money time everything is all his. I heard he may have a new woman in his life. I don't even care. If it's true poor her. Poor poor her. I hope she sees him for what he is sooner than I did. Over 20 years was too long to suffer. Now my depression & anxiety are under control. I'm using less medicine. I'm losing weight. Eating better. Learning to love the things I'd forgotten I love. Helping my son with his residual problems from years of abuse. Yes, there is a life after leaving a narcissist.