Wow I honestly didn't know that what I have been experiencing for the past 11 years was abuse. The first time he ignored me for three days. We were in our first year of marriage and I felt like my heart was literally being ripped out of my chest. I would try to speak to him to find out what I'd done that was so terrible and he looked right past me as if I was invisible. I cried myself to sleep every night until finally he broke the silence and told me what the issue was. His reason was valid so I accepted that his reaction was valid as well until this became a pattern. Minor "infractions " resulted in three days of silence as well. Early in our marriage I'd do my best to fix it. I felt like his affection was vital to my sanity as well as my self esteem. We have 4 children in our home and I felt that him leaving would be devastating to all of us so I'd smooth things over. Massage his back. Speak softly and lovingly even though he refused to respond or even acknowledge what I now realize was groveling and begging like a dog. Sometimes it worked and I'd feel so accomplished. If he wanted sex of course I suffered through it even though I felt nothing because the emotional connection wasn't there and I blamed myself because I love my husband and didn't understand why my body would not respond. When he completely rebuffed my apologies I'd feel even worse than if I'd stayed in my corner. Now 11 years later I'm finally aware that this behavior cannot continue. I thought that I could or should continue to suffer in silence until my children were older but I am going to have to rely on my real source of support and that's my creator. I can't continue to make my husband my God. I won't allow him to control me and my emotions not one more day. Thank you for this article. It confirmed what I knew in my heart was true.
Comment Reply
Wow I honestly didn't know that what I have been experiencing for the past 11 years was abuse. The first time he ignored me for three days. We were in our first year of marriage and I felt like my heart was literally being ripped out of my chest. I would try to speak to him to find out what I'd done that was so terrible and he looked right past me as if I was invisible. I cried myself to sleep every night until finally he broke the silence and told me what the issue was. His reason was valid so I accepted that his reaction was valid as well until this became a pattern. Minor "infractions " resulted in three days of silence as well. Early in our marriage I'd do my best to fix it. I felt like his affection was vital to my sanity as well as my self esteem. We have 4 children in our home and I felt that him leaving would be devastating to all of us so I'd smooth things over. Massage his back. Speak softly and lovingly even though he refused to respond or even acknowledge what I now realize was groveling and begging like a dog. Sometimes it worked and I'd feel so accomplished. If he wanted sex of course I suffered through it even though I felt nothing because the emotional connection wasn't there and I blamed myself because I love my husband and didn't understand why my body would not respond. When he completely rebuffed my apologies I'd feel even worse than if I'd stayed in my corner. Now 11 years later I'm finally aware that this behavior cannot continue. I thought that I could or should continue to suffer in silence until my children were older but I am going to have to rely on my real source of support and that's my creator. I can't continue to make my husband my God. I won't allow him to control me and my emotions not one more day. Thank you for this article. It confirmed what I knew in my heart was true.
February 4, 2017 - 7:22amThis Comment
Reply