Hi
Sorry I didn't reply earlier, I'm not on this site frequently.
I'm not sure how much I can help because even within the ASD spectrum each of us is vastly different. I'm an ASD woman so right off there are differences.
His perception of things is something I can't define as I don't know him. But most of us on the spectrum have sensory processing issues, many of which stem from perceiving more than most others do and being less able to filter out what's irrelevant. Also not always knowing how to react or to cope with all the excess sensory input. Hence the meltdowns and shutdowns--those come from perceiving more than we can process most of the time.
When I first heard of Asperger's I didn't think I had it because my sense of humor includes appreciation of puns, sarcasm and figurative language. ASD people are supposed to be too literal to understand such things but I love them.
It's good that he accepts touch. I don't have the touch aversion; I like hugs and it would be so hard to love someone who flinched or struggled against hugs. Sometimes I feel like I'm starving for physical contact. Not for conversation, though. Most of the time I feel like other people want to converse too much. He might feel the same way but you should ask him, not assume that because he and I both have Asperger's Syndrome, he is just like me. He's probably not. I have food aversions--lots of them.
It's good that you make the effort tom clarify and make sure you understand eachother. So much of the headbutting and miscommunication comes from assuming that we know what someone else meant when really we didn't because we colored each of their words with our own connotations without considering theirs. Everyone has a different past so we all use language differently--no matter what we say, our life experience colors our word choices.
If you haven't read Tony Atwood's complete Guide to Asperger's, I think doing so would be the best advice I could give you. There's also a really great new book about the Autism Spectrum called Neurotribes by Steve Silberman. I haven't read it yet but I went to a lecture last year where he was signing books, and he understands Autism from the perspective of a non-Autistic person. He has wide acclaim amongst the online Autistic community--well deserved. I suggest reading those books, and keep talking to your ASD guy. Remember if you've met one Autistic person, you've met one person with Autism. All of us are different. I can speak for him only in the most limited of ways. Be patient with him--you're a saint for extending love to him. Likely he appreciates you in ways he is unable to express, but never doubt that he feels them.
~Bless.
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Hi
April 27, 2017 - 5:19pmSorry I didn't reply earlier, I'm not on this site frequently.
I'm not sure how much I can help because even within the ASD spectrum each of us is vastly different. I'm an ASD woman so right off there are differences.
His perception of things is something I can't define as I don't know him. But most of us on the spectrum have sensory processing issues, many of which stem from perceiving more than most others do and being less able to filter out what's irrelevant. Also not always knowing how to react or to cope with all the excess sensory input. Hence the meltdowns and shutdowns--those come from perceiving more than we can process most of the time.
When I first heard of Asperger's I didn't think I had it because my sense of humor includes appreciation of puns, sarcasm and figurative language. ASD people are supposed to be too literal to understand such things but I love them.
It's good that he accepts touch. I don't have the touch aversion; I like hugs and it would be so hard to love someone who flinched or struggled against hugs. Sometimes I feel like I'm starving for physical contact. Not for conversation, though. Most of the time I feel like other people want to converse too much. He might feel the same way but you should ask him, not assume that because he and I both have Asperger's Syndrome, he is just like me. He's probably not. I have food aversions--lots of them.
It's good that you make the effort tom clarify and make sure you understand eachother. So much of the headbutting and miscommunication comes from assuming that we know what someone else meant when really we didn't because we colored each of their words with our own connotations without considering theirs. Everyone has a different past so we all use language differently--no matter what we say, our life experience colors our word choices.
If you haven't read Tony Atwood's complete Guide to Asperger's, I think doing so would be the best advice I could give you. There's also a really great new book about the Autism Spectrum called Neurotribes by Steve Silberman. I haven't read it yet but I went to a lecture last year where he was signing books, and he understands Autism from the perspective of a non-Autistic person. He has wide acclaim amongst the online Autistic community--well deserved. I suggest reading those books, and keep talking to your ASD guy. Remember if you've met one Autistic person, you've met one person with Autism. All of us are different. I can speak for him only in the most limited of ways. Be patient with him--you're a saint for extending love to him. Likely he appreciates you in ways he is unable to express, but never doubt that he feels them.
~Bless.
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