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Anonymous

So, I asked my boyfriend if I was hot. I know, TRAP! You'll never be happy- blah,blah. Every girl does it at least once in her life so shut up. Anyway, I did. His reply was "sorta."
Look, I get that this reflects my own bodily insecurities and all and Yep, 100% correct- I have ALWAYS had this issue but it's consuming me because I feel it's so out of my control! To put into perspective: I am a short girl; 157cm. I am23,I weigh 62kg which according to most is average however as much as I'd like to say otherwise, I'm seriously not toned- like, at all. I know that I have a classically pretty face equipped with beauty spot and pouty lips but I WANT that sexy body that drives men crazzzyyy. The thing is- I know that YOU NEED TO WORK FOR IT, or you can be a spoilt bitch and just be born with it (like my bfs ex) but I walk for 75mins every morning and calorie count, boy do I- and I enjoy this, this can be MAINTAINED but squats, lunges, running, etc, etc is just not something that I am naturally interested in, nor am I used to doing. I refuse to begin exercise that I hate, only to hate myself more for hating it and hate then I hate myself for not doing it- and the viscous cycle continues.
Which brings me to my boyfriends comment which I know I asked but for gods sake, he's not a fitness fanatic by any means, nor does he try to support me in my healthy eating. He is beautiful and would never mean me harm but why couldn't he have just said "you are hit to me but let's try and lose a few kilos together?!"
I feel that now he has said I'm "sort of" hot that I don't want him to touch, look or think about my body. I suppose I expected hotness to be somewhat like sexiness, not just skin deep. Sigh- I just don't know what I think of my body- it's "normal" to doctors and such, and my boyfriend tells me "it's fine, you are too hard on yourself" and then hits me with a very contradictory doozey like "sort of hot."
I feel like one has to come to terms with not feeling sexy and get on with it, but men don't understand how much women so long for the feeling of sexiness.
I woman wants her partner to crave her body, to be thankful for it and want nothing else, but most of all feel sexy as she is.

July 3, 2015 - 3:23am

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