Since my first posting here, I have found out that during the 18 months that his family was breaking me down, while I was using him as my sounding board and out of respect for him, trying to get him to do something, anything, to stand up for me, he was being told and believed "their" versions of all the events, and at one point, not only allowed me to be ambushed, be he conspired and participated as well, to the point that a local detective advised me to leave him for safety concerns. Also since that time I have found he had allowed his younger brother to talk him into some questionable business dealings, which could come back later and possibly cause the loss of all we worked for. So the person I trusted the most to help me turned out to be my biggest enemy, FINALLY, there where not one but two incidents that he saw for himself what was really happening. At that point, his idea of fixing things is just ignore them. Now he doesn't understand why I NEED him to help me get over the hurt and betrayal, not what they did, but what he did, and he doesn't understand that "Just let it go" is not an option. We tried counseling before I hit bottom, and when "he got caught" in a lie, he refused to go back. He has only gone to my BP therapist one time, and has no interest in trying to understand why or how BP works. My therapist advised the purchase of "BIPOLAR FOR DUMMIES",which I have read at least 5 times and learn something new everytime. I have begged him to read it so that maybe he could understand, my feelings, my hurt is real, the BP only affects the intensity and how I act vs react to them. But the hurt is very real. There is a BP support group about 30 miles away, but it is also in the town in which the family members live, and I refuse to go into that town alone and he has no interest in going with me. I have offered to walk away and let him have everything, he says he loves me and doesn't want me to leave, but his words and his actions certainly do not reflect the same feelings.
The first thing I was advised was not to make any major life changes until I had the BP under control, well, as of last week, I was told we finally got the meds right and maybe talking to an attorney about a divorce is something that I might consider. I love this man with all my heart, but if he can't or isn't willing to help me heal, then maybe it is time to move on so that I can start to heal, as I certainly cannot stay here, and live him, no matter how much I love him, if he isn't willing to help me do something to get over the hurt he caused, and help me gain back his trust.
Again, I would love to now the answer to the million dollar question, does he want to stay in the marriage.... do I believe his actions or his words... and frankly after everything that I found out, I am not sure I can trust either of them.
Comment Reply
Since my first posting here, I have found out that during the 18 months that his family was breaking me down, while I was using him as my sounding board and out of respect for him, trying to get him to do something, anything, to stand up for me, he was being told and believed "their" versions of all the events, and at one point, not only allowed me to be ambushed, be he conspired and participated as well, to the point that a local detective advised me to leave him for safety concerns. Also since that time I have found he had allowed his younger brother to talk him into some questionable business dealings, which could come back later and possibly cause the loss of all we worked for. So the person I trusted the most to help me turned out to be my biggest enemy, FINALLY, there where not one but two incidents that he saw for himself what was really happening. At that point, his idea of fixing things is just ignore them. Now he doesn't understand why I NEED him to help me get over the hurt and betrayal, not what they did, but what he did, and he doesn't understand that "Just let it go" is not an option. We tried counseling before I hit bottom, and when "he got caught" in a lie, he refused to go back. He has only gone to my BP therapist one time, and has no interest in trying to understand why or how BP works. My therapist advised the purchase of "BIPOLAR FOR DUMMIES",which I have read at least 5 times and learn something new everytime. I have begged him to read it so that maybe he could understand, my feelings, my hurt is real, the BP only affects the intensity and how I act vs react to them. But the hurt is very real. There is a BP support group about 30 miles away, but it is also in the town in which the family members live, and I refuse to go into that town alone and he has no interest in going with me. I have offered to walk away and let him have everything, he says he loves me and doesn't want me to leave, but his words and his actions certainly do not reflect the same feelings.
July 30, 2010 - 3:24amThe first thing I was advised was not to make any major life changes until I had the BP under control, well, as of last week, I was told we finally got the meds right and maybe talking to an attorney about a divorce is something that I might consider. I love this man with all my heart, but if he can't or isn't willing to help me heal, then maybe it is time to move on so that I can start to heal, as I certainly cannot stay here, and live him, no matter how much I love him, if he isn't willing to help me do something to get over the hurt he caused, and help me gain back his trust.
Again, I would love to now the answer to the million dollar question, does he want to stay in the marriage.... do I believe his actions or his words... and frankly after everything that I found out, I am not sure I can trust either of them.
This Comment
Reply