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Hi, Melissa,

Your plans sound so great. I love reading about them, as well as what you're thinking. I am well-acquainted with that everything-is-so-stressful-right-now feeling, sometimes it's hard to even enjoy looking forward to something when there's so much to do and so much going on in our heads.

I am wondering if your anxiety has to do with the time frame of your original diagnosis. Our bodies are so subtle and sophisticated about the passage of time. In the beginning, weren't you given a hoped-for timeline, and haven't you so far met and even exceeded it on every level? I am wondering if the anxiety comes from wondering what lies around the corner, or if another shoe will drop.

Or I wonder if it is because you ARE feeling able to make so many plans, to travel, to see friends, and whether you are worried about leaving your routine here? Your routine here has been what has gotten you well and kept you safe. Your doctors, being able to fall back on CTCA, and your friends and family have been a support system like no other. Is it a bit scary to leave them for longer than you have in the past? Won't the New Zealand trip be the longest you've spent away from home since you were diagnosed?

I have an anxiety disorder. Sometimes anxiety is a bit helpful and intuitive; other times it's just plain useless and obnoxious. Are you on any anti-anxiety medicines? Maybe they are not quite the right dose for you anymore and they need to be tweaked?

March 11, 2010 - 9:00am

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