Hi,
No..no...you are not overreacting at all. It sounds like you have done everything in your control to talk with your husband, confront him about his emotional affairs, and he responded with more secrecy, insults, privacy and emotional manipulation.
Is he interested in creating a loving, peaceful, trusting, monogamous and healthy marriage with you? Why is he needing the emotional intimacy of other women, the physical thrill of writing/sharing porn and thinking about other women in his marriage? Is he willing to choose between these other women, seeking help for his insecurities (he has plenty of them, if he is "needing" this type of attention from other women while married), vs. having a mutually happy, healthy marriage? His current actions either need to change with outside help, or you have a choice to make. He has clearly made his choice, unfortunately, and his last choice would be if he is interested in seeking marriage counseling, as well as individual therapy.
Are willing to go through the journey with him (including marriage counseling, as well as individual counseling for both of you), and is interested in creating a healthy marriage? Is he able to fill his needs in other appropriate ways?
His manipulation (telling you that you are jealous or saying that you won't let him have any friends) is really foolish and childish on his part. Either he wants to have you as a wife, be married in a way that makes both of you happy, or he wants to continue being deceptive and secretive. That is his choice, and your choice to continue living with his chosen behavior. I hope you continue being strong and can recognize when he is trying to put the blame back on you as a "deflector".
Please let us know how we can help. If he is uninterested in counseling, it would be wonderful for you to go individually.
Comment Reply
Hi,
No..no...you are not overreacting at all. It sounds like you have done everything in your control to talk with your husband, confront him about his emotional affairs, and he responded with more secrecy, insults, privacy and emotional manipulation.
Is he interested in creating a loving, peaceful, trusting, monogamous and healthy marriage with you? Why is he needing the emotional intimacy of other women, the physical thrill of writing/sharing porn and thinking about other women in his marriage? Is he willing to choose between these other women, seeking help for his insecurities (he has plenty of them, if he is "needing" this type of attention from other women while married), vs. having a mutually happy, healthy marriage? His current actions either need to change with outside help, or you have a choice to make. He has clearly made his choice, unfortunately, and his last choice would be if he is interested in seeking marriage counseling, as well as individual therapy.
Are willing to go through the journey with him (including marriage counseling, as well as individual counseling for both of you), and is interested in creating a healthy marriage? Is he able to fill his needs in other appropriate ways?
His manipulation (telling you that you are jealous or saying that you won't let him have any friends) is really foolish and childish on his part. Either he wants to have you as a wife, be married in a way that makes both of you happy, or he wants to continue being deceptive and secretive. That is his choice, and your choice to continue living with his chosen behavior. I hope you continue being strong and can recognize when he is trying to put the blame back on you as a "deflector".
Please let us know how we can help. If he is uninterested in counseling, it would be wonderful for you to go individually.
February 28, 2010 - 3:00pmThis Comment
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