bbnrse, Please don't give up. I know it seems dark and impossible now, but you can't see how special you really are, and how you do light things up for others. It sounds like no matter what, it's going to be hard, not easy, for you. I don't think anyone completely understands what you've been through and what you're going through, so it would be disingenuous to suggest that's the case, but I do believe that you will find a way, and I also know that those who are able to find their way through such difficulties are often most able to contribute to others.
Dr. Daniel Heller