I have read this whole comment line and feel like you are all talking about me. I have been depressed all my life. First situational, then bipolar and now chemical. I am laking a neurotransmitter, or it is very low. I have been through enough therapy and hospitalizations and shock treatments that I don't think there is any hope any more. I have pretty much given up. Sometimes something will work, but it is always short term and every time I find a good social worker I can work with something happens and the relationship is ended, leaving me in limbo. I recently moved to another state. I keep trying to convince myself there is nothing wrong. I am desperate at this point. I have moved in with a roommate, someone I've known since 1989. We have been living alone most of the time, except she lived with her son for awhile. She is very controlling and I find it nearly impossible to stand up and express myself, because she just puts me down. She acts like she has all the answers and I',m just plain stupid. I have a LOT of medical issues that are incurable, although they are not severe yet, the sypmtoms do cause problems. I have central sleep apnea, myasthenia gravis, COPD, fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease, bulging discs and generalized degenerative osteoarthritis and osteoporosis. With the constant negativism from my roommate I question myself and abilities all the time. I have no self confidence and fight with myself everyday as to whether it is worth doing anything about all these issues. I want to give up and just live as best I can without all the medications, which put an extreme financial burden on me. No one really cares what happens to me and I fall through the cracks all the time. I don't know how realistic it is to be optomistic about having a positive, loving, caring life. I am a giver. My life has been spent helping others. I was a nurse for 30 years on and off, as I missed a lot of work during hospitalizations and treatments. I have also been in and out of outpatient programs. All temporarily effective. I just think that there isn't much help out there for someone like me, after all the years of trying. Nothing has stayed consistent and so many people have given up on me. A few have believed I was worth saving, but somethimg always interferred and treatment was halted. I really would like to go to sleep and not wake up. It would save a lot of problems for others. I am against suicide, although I have tried it in the past. I am very tired, from chronic lack of sleep, restorative sleep. My brain waves do not indicate any deep sleep in my sleep studies and my oxygen sats drop into the 70's. I use a BIPAP machine with 2L of oxygen at night. I don't mean to ramble on but it is a long, unsuccessful story that I am in desperate help for some possible answers that will help. I thank anyone who can offer some suggesstions. I do have medicare and a supplement. I do not have a good support system and feel very isolated and alone. I do have a good church family though they are new. I have only been here 6 weeks. Please, if there are any people out there with hope I'd love to hear from you. I was an abused child in everyway you can conceive of and unloved, unwanted. My mother did not want me as a baby...I was an intrusion on an already difficult life during WW II. Plus, I am the typical middle child with all the complexes that go with itl Thank you for any help you might be able to offer. I am at a loss. I am on many, many medications...maybe too many.