Well, when I am really stressed and feeling in a shitty state of mind I usually wont eat all day then will binge at night and some cases then purge. (so stupid I know! and it's really not me!) But most the time I don't vomit and I just binge on anything thats around.
I live with my boyfriend who I met a couple months after coming to canada so we're been together for 2years almost. He's great but like I said, being away from family is hard, and not having my own girlfriends here really sucks. We move around from city to city for summers and winters so it's hard to get a steady girlfriend or group of friends that isn't his own.
If we have a really bad fight over something like porn, or if we're both stressed, or if he talks rude to me (I always tell him to speak nicer because no one deserves anger taken out on them and he's grown from that) this stress from fighting usually makes me not want to eat. But then when everything is ok i go back to eating everything at once because i'm happy?. Then i want to purge, or i dont, or I take laxatives. And I understand that taking laxatives is also a form of bulimia. I don't want to do this. I used to be a gym junkie but also ate very very healthy and had little stress back home. Sometimes I get on track here for sometime with fitness and staying healthy, but then something always happens that brings me down again to want to not eat... then binge!
We're in a new city again and I have no friends here, no job as of yet because I've been waiting for my 2nd Work Permit to come through. We go to vegas with his family for a week on sunday. Then I'd booked a flight to spend 3weeks at home when we had a relationship threatening fight last week. hopefully that will give me a boost again seeing my family and being around my origin. but then i get scared that we shouldn't be together because sometimes here i feel like i'm being held down. sometimes i want to ask for a break so i can figure out what i want in life other then him, but i'm scared of him finding someone else. i guess i have self esteem issues too, that i never used to. I really think being away from family and friends has had this happen to me. i'm so different and i do things i wouldn't usually. i want to stay here, and stay with him, but i dont want my personality to continue to subside. i don't know how to be 'me' here.
my mum and my sister are great supporters that i could talk to about anything. but i hate letting them know if i'm under stress or not enjoying myself. i want them to know i'm happy all the time so i refuse to email or talk to them on skype when i'm down.
i guess i could see a counsellor, but i hate thinking i have a problem. even though i admit it, i don't want to sound like a head case.
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Well, when I am really stressed and feeling in a shitty state of mind I usually wont eat all day then will binge at night and some cases then purge. (so stupid I know! and it's really not me!) But most the time I don't vomit and I just binge on anything thats around.
I live with my boyfriend who I met a couple months after coming to canada so we're been together for 2years almost. He's great but like I said, being away from family is hard, and not having my own girlfriends here really sucks. We move around from city to city for summers and winters so it's hard to get a steady girlfriend or group of friends that isn't his own.
If we have a really bad fight over something like porn, or if we're both stressed, or if he talks rude to me (I always tell him to speak nicer because no one deserves anger taken out on them and he's grown from that) this stress from fighting usually makes me not want to eat. But then when everything is ok i go back to eating everything at once because i'm happy?. Then i want to purge, or i dont, or I take laxatives. And I understand that taking laxatives is also a form of bulimia. I don't want to do this. I used to be a gym junkie but also ate very very healthy and had little stress back home. Sometimes I get on track here for sometime with fitness and staying healthy, but then something always happens that brings me down again to want to not eat... then binge!
We're in a new city again and I have no friends here, no job as of yet because I've been waiting for my 2nd Work Permit to come through. We go to vegas with his family for a week on sunday. Then I'd booked a flight to spend 3weeks at home when we had a relationship threatening fight last week. hopefully that will give me a boost again seeing my family and being around my origin. but then i get scared that we shouldn't be together because sometimes here i feel like i'm being held down. sometimes i want to ask for a break so i can figure out what i want in life other then him, but i'm scared of him finding someone else. i guess i have self esteem issues too, that i never used to. I really think being away from family and friends has had this happen to me. i'm so different and i do things i wouldn't usually. i want to stay here, and stay with him, but i dont want my personality to continue to subside. i don't know how to be 'me' here.
my mum and my sister are great supporters that i could talk to about anything. but i hate letting them know if i'm under stress or not enjoying myself. i want them to know i'm happy all the time so i refuse to email or talk to them on skype when i'm down.
i guess i could see a counsellor, but i hate thinking i have a problem. even though i admit it, i don't want to sound like a head case.
February 10, 2011 - 1:39pmThis Comment
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