I have read through the posts again to see if advice has been given on how to insert objects into your vagina to enlarge it and/or help you will fear that having a penis inside will be painful or just to large to not cause pain.
And I have noticed that talking with girlfriends, sisters or mothers has not been mentioned either as something you have tried or should try to learn more about what intercourse is like for them.
When one is isolated, fear becomes the focus of your thoughts, you have no information to counter or help you with your fears, and the cycle repeats again and again... causing the fear to become larger.
Gathering courage is 1st step, knowing the fear of intercourse is hurting your marriage or relationship can help you muster the willpower to talk about your fear. Talk with a trusted female in your life. It may be embarrassing to talk about your fear and you may not know where to start or what to say... That's normal. Start by saying you wish to have a good sex life with your husband or boyfriend and you would like to talk about that. Then sit back and see what your friend, sister, aunt or mother says... You may be surprised. If they go right to fear, or sex is bad, a "duty", or painful... stop them right there and say that is not helpful... that you are looking for empathy, solutions and great ideas on how they can help you... not fear stories. Stay positive, and not frustrated if the first person is not helpful, there are women around you who can be helpful, just keep trying because this is important to your happiness and the happiness of your sexual partner. As you can see from so many posts here, you are not alone in having difficulty with pain, fears, or being sexually active.
Finding something to insert into your vagina...
There are many 'sex-sites' on the internet where you can find different products to place inside of you. These products are called 'dildos' and they come in a huge variety of sizes, materials, textures, and many have 'vibrators' inside them as well.
One site to try is Good Vibrations, it is a women-owned sex toy shop and a wide variety of products, books and videos. There are books and videos on how to have a good positive active sex life, maybe that is a good place to start, by reading or watching...
You will find dildos from the size of your little finger to sized that would scare a horse! Have fun with this exploration... don't be intimidated by the biggest ones you see... some are not realistic for almost all women!
Pick one of the smaller ones, and then perhaps the next size bigger than that... you can measure or estimate the size of something you can insert like your finger or tampon... and start there, working your way up to larger and larger ones until you have one that is slightly larger than your sex partners penis. Why bigger? Because opening up and becoming used to dildos in your vagina larger than a penis you expect to have 'in-there' will help with fear and gradually reducing pain if that is an issue for you.
Be sure to use lubricant on the dildo, and apply some on to the insides your small labia lips and inside your vagina... to help the dildo go in smoothly and without pain.
If you are trying this and still having a lot of pain, its time to go to your gynecologist and ask her for help... telling her what you have tried and how the pain comes for you. There may be a physical problem and she can help with that, or there may be an emotional or psychological issue and she can help by offering you referrals for therapists you can talk to...
Also, ask your husband or boyfriend to help with the dildo insertions... by having him help do this for you, you can relax and let him gently insert it (using lots of lube!) after kissing, loving, caressing and touching your genitals too...
Again, reading about this or watching an instructional - educational video from Good Vibrations is very helpful for you to become familiar with something that is scaring you or causing you pain now.
Please come back here with your success stories... your journey and what you did to help yourself will be very helpful for other women here.
And for the men too! They need education, understanding and help around this difficult issue!
Hugs and very best wishes,
Lori
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I have read through the posts again to see if advice has been given on how to insert objects into your vagina to enlarge it and/or help you will fear that having a penis inside will be painful or just to large to not cause pain.
February 16, 2012 - 12:00pmAnd I have noticed that talking with girlfriends, sisters or mothers has not been mentioned either as something you have tried or should try to learn more about what intercourse is like for them.
When one is isolated, fear becomes the focus of your thoughts, you have no information to counter or help you with your fears, and the cycle repeats again and again... causing the fear to become larger.
Gathering courage is 1st step, knowing the fear of intercourse is hurting your marriage or relationship can help you muster the willpower to talk about your fear. Talk with a trusted female in your life. It may be embarrassing to talk about your fear and you may not know where to start or what to say... That's normal. Start by saying you wish to have a good sex life with your husband or boyfriend and you would like to talk about that. Then sit back and see what your friend, sister, aunt or mother says... You may be surprised. If they go right to fear, or sex is bad, a "duty", or painful... stop them right there and say that is not helpful... that you are looking for empathy, solutions and great ideas on how they can help you... not fear stories. Stay positive, and not frustrated if the first person is not helpful, there are women around you who can be helpful, just keep trying because this is important to your happiness and the happiness of your sexual partner. As you can see from so many posts here, you are not alone in having difficulty with pain, fears, or being sexually active.
Finding something to insert into your vagina...
There are many 'sex-sites' on the internet where you can find different products to place inside of you. These products are called 'dildos' and they come in a huge variety of sizes, materials, textures, and many have 'vibrators' inside them as well.
One site to try is Good Vibrations, it is a women-owned sex toy shop and a wide variety of products, books and videos. There are books and videos on how to have a good positive active sex life, maybe that is a good place to start, by reading or watching...
You will find dildos from the size of your little finger to sized that would scare a horse! Have fun with this exploration... don't be intimidated by the biggest ones you see... some are not realistic for almost all women!
Pick one of the smaller ones, and then perhaps the next size bigger than that... you can measure or estimate the size of something you can insert like your finger or tampon... and start there, working your way up to larger and larger ones until you have one that is slightly larger than your sex partners penis. Why bigger? Because opening up and becoming used to dildos in your vagina larger than a penis you expect to have 'in-there' will help with fear and gradually reducing pain if that is an issue for you.
Be sure to use lubricant on the dildo, and apply some on to the insides your small labia lips and inside your vagina... to help the dildo go in smoothly and without pain.
If you are trying this and still having a lot of pain, its time to go to your gynecologist and ask her for help... telling her what you have tried and how the pain comes for you. There may be a physical problem and she can help with that, or there may be an emotional or psychological issue and she can help by offering you referrals for therapists you can talk to...
Also, ask your husband or boyfriend to help with the dildo insertions... by having him help do this for you, you can relax and let him gently insert it (using lots of lube!) after kissing, loving, caressing and touching your genitals too...
Again, reading about this or watching an instructional - educational video from Good Vibrations is very helpful for you to become familiar with something that is scaring you or causing you pain now.
Please come back here with your success stories... your journey and what you did to help yourself will be very helpful for other women here.
And for the men too! They need education, understanding and help around this difficult issue!
Hugs and very best wishes,
Lori
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