I realize this topic is emotion-ladened for all--parents and sufferers alike. Parents reacted because the article, the way it was written, sounded as though it was blaming the family environment of sufferers 'in general' and that it was true in all cases (e.g. 'with every person suffering an ED').
From a parent's perspective, this is hurtful, harmful and--even if none of us are perfect parents (and we aren't)--it is most often not true. That is not to negate anyone's individual feelings about their families, but our perceptions and understanding of this illness are colored by our own personal experiences. Recent research is shedding so much new light on ED's. No one need feel 'to blame'. When blame is eliminated, it frees everyone to concentrate on recovery.
I didn't want a family new to the experience of having an eating disorder in their midst, to read this article and instantly feel tremendous guilt and shame. I wanted families to know there was a way--a treatment method--that would help them reach out and help heal their very much loved one. I also didn't want anyone suffering from an ED to feel blamed or be forever searching for causes when they could get on with healing their body and mind. This is not to say talk therapy is never useful--it can very much be for co-existing anxiety and depression. Do families never have personal issues that need resolving? Of course not. Do most families want to function well and see their loved one healthy? Of course. FEAST believes nutrition has to be first and foremost and that what supports the family will support the person suffering. I also believe that coming from a position of blame helps no one move forward.
So, I want to reach out and say I am sorry if any of you are feeling blamed. It is not the intention of anyone to project that towards sufferers or family members affected by an ED in their family.
To the contrary, we very much understand how that feels, and the Maudsley approach blames no one. It is an illness, the same as you would view other illnesses.
If nothing else, this exchange demonstrates the upset that the perception of feeling blamed can cause (and I doubt, really, that that was even the intent--but how one sends a message, and how one receives it can be two different things!). I might add, the reason I wrote some words in caps in past posts is because I couldn't figure out how to underline or italicize on this blog. I was not intending to yell (except for the one comment about 'the emperor'), but to emphasize. I can't do it in a real 'voice', other than change the lettering.
I, also, am leaving this conversation at this time as I have expressed what I felt I needed to.
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Hi Hannah, Carol and Shelley--
I realize this topic is emotion-ladened for all--parents and sufferers alike. Parents reacted because the article, the way it was written, sounded as though it was blaming the family environment of sufferers 'in general' and that it was true in all cases (e.g. 'with every person suffering an ED').
From a parent's perspective, this is hurtful, harmful and--even if none of us are perfect parents (and we aren't)--it is most often not true. That is not to negate anyone's individual feelings about their families, but our perceptions and understanding of this illness are colored by our own personal experiences. Recent research is shedding so much new light on ED's. No one need feel 'to blame'. When blame is eliminated, it frees everyone to concentrate on recovery.
I didn't want a family new to the experience of having an eating disorder in their midst, to read this article and instantly feel tremendous guilt and shame. I wanted families to know there was a way--a treatment method--that would help them reach out and help heal their very much loved one. I also didn't want anyone suffering from an ED to feel blamed or be forever searching for causes when they could get on with healing their body and mind. This is not to say talk therapy is never useful--it can very much be for co-existing anxiety and depression. Do families never have personal issues that need resolving? Of course not. Do most families want to function well and see their loved one healthy? Of course. FEAST believes nutrition has to be first and foremost and that what supports the family will support the person suffering. I also believe that coming from a position of blame helps no one move forward.
So, I want to reach out and say I am sorry if any of you are feeling blamed. It is not the intention of anyone to project that towards sufferers or family members affected by an ED in their family.
To the contrary, we very much understand how that feels, and the Maudsley approach blames no one. It is an illness, the same as you would view other illnesses.
If nothing else, this exchange demonstrates the upset that the perception of feeling blamed can cause (and I doubt, really, that that was even the intent--but how one sends a message, and how one receives it can be two different things!). I might add, the reason I wrote some words in caps in past posts is because I couldn't figure out how to underline or italicize on this blog. I was not intending to yell (except for the one comment about 'the emperor'), but to emphasize. I can't do it in a real 'voice', other than change the lettering.
I, also, am leaving this conversation at this time as I have expressed what I felt I needed to.
Thanks,
anne
June 11, 2009 - 11:38amThis Comment
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