As much as I respect the author of this post for his diligent research and knowledge, I have to agree with many of the women who have posted replies.
The presentation of the information creates a "something is wrong with me" attitude and I think this is incorrect and not productive.
With that said, I still believe there are many good points made in this article. Western society has created a deep-seated belief that women need to act in a certain way to be socially acceptable. As an evolving society we need to discard this perception and release the inhibitions that have been built into it. It is to our detriment to propagate this belief.
Women need to be able to feel free to discuss and explore their sexuality without the judgment of some antiquated belief system.
Why am I qualified to even express myself on this subject? My father left when I was 6 years old. I grew up in a house with my mother, 2 older sisters and a younger brother. I believe this gives me a unique insight and a tad bit more understanding than most men.
With the experience of observing my sisters, girlfriends and friends growing up, I saw a distressing trend. Most men are always trying to figure out what is going on and most women have a hard time expressing what they are feeling because of the emotional detachment most men demonstrate regarding emotional issues and the social stigmas that are associated with sexual behavior.
One of my sisters passed away at 44 a few years ago, after a very long bout with self destructive behavior. I adored her and honor her memory with the lessons I learned from her directly and from observing her, as much as it may seem appropriate, you don't need to express sympathy for my loss. She is and will forever remain my sister, I have made my peace with her passing. So, let's move on.
My sister was very attractive, yet had no self worth and a complete inability to feel she "deserved' anything. Her attitude towards sex was that it was a tool to gain what she wanted, what she wanted was emotional validation. Good idea, wrong road to head down. We were best friends growing up and did ALOT of things together until she was 20 years old and started to spend more and more time searching for her emotional validation through these practices.
The point of all of this, is that it is not healthy to search for any kind of external validation through your sexual encounters. On a baser level, your sexuality needs to be explored with a confidant and secure attitude. This is not a "something is wrong and needs to be fixed" attitude, this is an observation of the societal dysfunction that we live in and propagate to this day.
Exploring what makes you feel good should not be anyone's business but your own and possibly your partner's if you are comfortable with sharing it. Taking the time to discover what makes you feel good and what states of arousal can be achieved through this exploration can be a very private matter. The results can be extremely pleasurable when they are incorporated into a relationship with someone that understands what you are trying to achieve and respects your desires.
My wife experienced a deep state of sexual indifference for years and I made the commitment to help her and we have discovered ways to bring her to states of arousal prior to any sexual actions that make the actual act much more enjoyable for both of us. This has brought new life into every aspect of our relationship because it has rekindled the intimate bond between us. In other words, we are a happily married couple after 14 years and 4 boys. We are becoming a minority instead of the majority and I long to have more women and couples join us in the ranks of the happy people.
I feel all of the articles and studies have worth when they are presented in a non-judgmental manner. Women need to feel empowered and given tools to enhance their lives, not judged and told they need to be fixed.
I am open to comments, questions and input of any kind regarding this topic.
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As much as I respect the author of this post for his diligent research and knowledge, I have to agree with many of the women who have posted replies.
The presentation of the information creates a "something is wrong with me" attitude and I think this is incorrect and not productive.
With that said, I still believe there are many good points made in this article. Western society has created a deep-seated belief that women need to act in a certain way to be socially acceptable. As an evolving society we need to discard this perception and release the inhibitions that have been built into it. It is to our detriment to propagate this belief.
Women need to be able to feel free to discuss and explore their sexuality without the judgment of some antiquated belief system.
Why am I qualified to even express myself on this subject? My father left when I was 6 years old. I grew up in a house with my mother, 2 older sisters and a younger brother. I believe this gives me a unique insight and a tad bit more understanding than most men.
With the experience of observing my sisters, girlfriends and friends growing up, I saw a distressing trend. Most men are always trying to figure out what is going on and most women have a hard time expressing what they are feeling because of the emotional detachment most men demonstrate regarding emotional issues and the social stigmas that are associated with sexual behavior.
One of my sisters passed away at 44 a few years ago, after a very long bout with self destructive behavior. I adored her and honor her memory with the lessons I learned from her directly and from observing her, as much as it may seem appropriate, you don't need to express sympathy for my loss. She is and will forever remain my sister, I have made my peace with her passing. So, let's move on.
My sister was very attractive, yet had no self worth and a complete inability to feel she "deserved' anything. Her attitude towards sex was that it was a tool to gain what she wanted, what she wanted was emotional validation. Good idea, wrong road to head down. We were best friends growing up and did ALOT of things together until she was 20 years old and started to spend more and more time searching for her emotional validation through these practices.
The point of all of this, is that it is not healthy to search for any kind of external validation through your sexual encounters. On a baser level, your sexuality needs to be explored with a confidant and secure attitude. This is not a "something is wrong and needs to be fixed" attitude, this is an observation of the societal dysfunction that we live in and propagate to this day.
Exploring what makes you feel good should not be anyone's business but your own and possibly your partner's if you are comfortable with sharing it. Taking the time to discover what makes you feel good and what states of arousal can be achieved through this exploration can be a very private matter. The results can be extremely pleasurable when they are incorporated into a relationship with someone that understands what you are trying to achieve and respects your desires.
My wife experienced a deep state of sexual indifference for years and I made the commitment to help her and we have discovered ways to bring her to states of arousal prior to any sexual actions that make the actual act much more enjoyable for both of us. This has brought new life into every aspect of our relationship because it has rekindled the intimate bond between us. In other words, we are a happily married couple after 14 years and 4 boys. We are becoming a minority instead of the majority and I long to have more women and couples join us in the ranks of the happy people.
I feel all of the articles and studies have worth when they are presented in a non-judgmental manner. Women need to feel empowered and given tools to enhance their lives, not judged and told they need to be fixed.
I am open to comments, questions and input of any kind regarding this topic.
July 21, 2009 - 11:10amThis Comment
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