I was raised by a single mother who was abused as a young woman, so sex was a weapon used against yourself, it was a means to an end, it was destructive and powerful and poisonous- but never wholesome, never loving. It was on one hand thrilling and on the other hand horrific. I was raised to see my body as a sexual object, and any male attention that was romantic was deemed predatory. He only wants me for sex (not even for my body because I was overweight and men don't like fat women.)
Here I am now, a grown woman with a beautiful husband who loves me for me, we have wonderful sex and yet...I still struggle with thinking that my husband sees my body for real. I secretly think he must be delusional, or blinded by his love for me (how weird! how sick it sounds when I say that!) I engaged in all sorts of clandestine sexual affairs before I met him, and always believed that these men just wanted a hole (pardon my bluntness, but it is there for a point.) and not me. That any woman or toy would do, I just happened to be the more handy option.
From a wounded woman seeking healing, I am so grateful you took the time to listen to woman and report back on common themes in our lives. I was a daughter raised by a woman whose critiques (she should not be wearing that- does she know how cheap that looks?- Loser!- Slut!) painted my entire view of body image and sexuality. Please be good to your daughters. they listen to everything you say, and they hear every word you don't. I know.
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I was raised by a single mother who was abused as a young woman, so sex was a weapon used against yourself, it was a means to an end, it was destructive and powerful and poisonous- but never wholesome, never loving. It was on one hand thrilling and on the other hand horrific. I was raised to see my body as a sexual object, and any male attention that was romantic was deemed predatory. He only wants me for sex (not even for my body because I was overweight and men don't like fat women.)
Here I am now, a grown woman with a beautiful husband who loves me for me, we have wonderful sex and yet...I still struggle with thinking that my husband sees my body for real. I secretly think he must be delusional, or blinded by his love for me (how weird! how sick it sounds when I say that!) I engaged in all sorts of clandestine sexual affairs before I met him, and always believed that these men just wanted a hole (pardon my bluntness, but it is there for a point.) and not me. That any woman or toy would do, I just happened to be the more handy option.
From a wounded woman seeking healing, I am so grateful you took the time to listen to woman and report back on common themes in our lives. I was a daughter raised by a woman whose critiques (she should not be wearing that- does she know how cheap that looks?- Loser!- Slut!) painted my entire view of body image and sexuality. Please be good to your daughters. they listen to everything you say, and they hear every word you don't. I know.
July 14, 2009 - 7:16amThis Comment
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