Is he seeking help for his depression? I think that is number one issue, as he will never be able to be in a relationship that is more-than-friends until he takes care of himself.
You sound like you have a tumultuous-at-times and comfortable-at-times friendship with this man, but you want more. That is OK to want more, and you deserve it! There is just no romantic love present--the kind of love you are wanting, and he does not. It is OK to want different things, but not OK for two people to try to beg or persuade or otherwise make the other feel hurt to get them to "their side". That makes for an unhealthy relationship.
I would suggest you may want to seek some help and deeper understanding at to why you continue seeking out unhealthy and inappropriate relationships were they do not exist. Asking someone to "let you go" when they are calling you names ("pig") and making emotionally harmful innuendos about you being "overly-sexed" is not healthy; this is harmful to you. You can learn to have the power and self-esteem to "let go" of someone without asking them to do the difficult work for you.
You sound like you want a relationship that includes friendship, intimacy, trust, communication, love and more. That is a normal, healthy and wonderful thing to have, and I hope you find it with someone who can reciprocate. It is this reciprocation that is the most important part of the equation; without it, there is no relationship.
If you would like to learn more about what healthy relationships are with romantic love (and, yes, they do include sex and intimacy without excuses), please read this very helpful chart:
- The Equality Wheel is the ideal partnership/relationship, and contains fundamental elements for a healthy relationship:
http://www.ncdsv.org/publications_wheel.html
(Scroll down to "Equality Wheel")
- Conversely, the Power and Control Wheel is very useful in gauging what type of controlling, manipulating behavior may/may not be going on in your relationship.
http://www.ncdsv.org/publications_wheel.html
(Scroll down to "Power and Control Wheel")
Comment Reply
Hi,
I'm sorry that your very-long-distance relationship is not working out. It is very hard to let go. You may find this helpful: How to Let Go: Tips for Peace, Happiness and Healing Relationships.
Is he seeking help for his depression? I think that is number one issue, as he will never be able to be in a relationship that is more-than-friends until he takes care of himself.
You sound like you have a tumultuous-at-times and comfortable-at-times friendship with this man, but you want more. That is OK to want more, and you deserve it! There is just no romantic love present--the kind of love you are wanting, and he does not. It is OK to want different things, but not OK for two people to try to beg or persuade or otherwise make the other feel hurt to get them to "their side". That makes for an unhealthy relationship.
I would suggest you may want to seek some help and deeper understanding at to why you continue seeking out unhealthy and inappropriate relationships were they do not exist. Asking someone to "let you go" when they are calling you names ("pig") and making emotionally harmful innuendos about you being "overly-sexed" is not healthy; this is harmful to you. You can learn to have the power and self-esteem to "let go" of someone without asking them to do the difficult work for you.
You sound like you want a relationship that includes friendship, intimacy, trust, communication, love and more. That is a normal, healthy and wonderful thing to have, and I hope you find it with someone who can reciprocate. It is this reciprocation that is the most important part of the equation; without it, there is no relationship.
If you would like to learn more about what healthy relationships are with romantic love (and, yes, they do include sex and intimacy without excuses), please read this very helpful chart:
- The Equality Wheel is the ideal partnership/relationship, and contains fundamental elements for a healthy relationship:
http://www.ncdsv.org/publications_wheel.html
(Scroll down to "Equality Wheel")
- Conversely, the Power and Control Wheel is very useful in gauging what type of controlling, manipulating behavior may/may not be going on in your relationship.
http://www.ncdsv.org/publications_wheel.html
(Scroll down to "Power and Control Wheel")
This is another similar post/question: Is my romantic relationship over? He can not have sex with me.
I hope this helps.
July 19, 2009 - 6:16amThis Comment
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