Do you feel that this is a healthy relationship, in other ways? From your comments, you said that he has a medical condition (high blood pressure), and the medication has changed his libido. There are many things that he can do for this.
What he has chosen to do, instead, is to call you names (perverted?!) and making empty promises (to call the doctor). I do not understand why a person in an intimate, sexual relationship would call someone else perverted (a very harsh word) if you are initiating a tame sex-act. This sounds emotionally harmful to me.
How do you know, for a fact, that he masturbates daily? This could be for many reasons, and really not be about you--he may be worried about his low libido, and doing this for tension-relief, for "practice" or for reassurance. I would take this out of the equation for now.
What to do? Stop asking him when he's going to call the doctor. He is old enough to know that help is just a phone call away. I would also take away any guilt-producing thoughts and words you have: "lack of sex is killing my esteem". You are the only one that can "allow your self-esteem to be taken away", so please stop using this as a manipulation tool for him to get help...it will push him further away and is not the foundation for open, honest communication.
It has only been 6 months that you have even been dating, and I'm wondering how long he has been on this medication (and diagnosed with HBP)?
Have you asked him how you can help? Have you really talked and listened to him about what the mediation is doing, how he feels about it? What are his thoughts, fears and emotions about his diagnosis?
Lastly, since you are both in your 30s and 40s, I assume you have the maturity to see other people and not be "stuck" in a new relationship that is unsatisfying and possibly emotionally unhealthy.
I hope this isn't too harsh; I may have read too much into your question?
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Hi,
Do you feel that this is a healthy relationship, in other ways? From your comments, you said that he has a medical condition (high blood pressure), and the medication has changed his libido. There are many things that he can do for this.
What he has chosen to do, instead, is to call you names (perverted?!) and making empty promises (to call the doctor). I do not understand why a person in an intimate, sexual relationship would call someone else perverted (a very harsh word) if you are initiating a tame sex-act. This sounds emotionally harmful to me.
How do you know, for a fact, that he masturbates daily? This could be for many reasons, and really not be about you--he may be worried about his low libido, and doing this for tension-relief, for "practice" or for reassurance. I would take this out of the equation for now.
What to do? Stop asking him when he's going to call the doctor. He is old enough to know that help is just a phone call away. I would also take away any guilt-producing thoughts and words you have: "lack of sex is killing my esteem". You are the only one that can "allow your self-esteem to be taken away", so please stop using this as a manipulation tool for him to get help...it will push him further away and is not the foundation for open, honest communication.
It has only been 6 months that you have even been dating, and I'm wondering how long he has been on this medication (and diagnosed with HBP)?
Have you asked him how you can help? Have you really talked and listened to him about what the mediation is doing, how he feels about it? What are his thoughts, fears and emotions about his diagnosis?
Lastly, since you are both in your 30s and 40s, I assume you have the maturity to see other people and not be "stuck" in a new relationship that is unsatisfying and possibly emotionally unhealthy.
I hope this isn't too harsh; I may have read too much into your question?
June 14, 2009 - 7:17pmThis Comment
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