I am 40, terminally single (not by choice), and have always had a very, very consistently high sex drive. I began masturbating regularly at around eight years old and fantasizing about sex. I was 18 when I had my first sexual experience. I cannot recall ever NOT having a orgasm during sex including the first time. I have no understanding at all what it would be like not to have an orgasm - I can have both clitoral and vaginal orgasms easily. When I think about the fact that I am single, I feel like I am living an alternate reality. I'm attractive, own a home, people enjoy being around me, and I seem to have it all together, but the person inside of me is dormant, sad, and constantly struggling for a reason to live. The only time the world seems to move "in sync" is when I've had sex and am in an intimate relationship with someone. Unfortunately, that rarely happens, so most of the time, I'm experiencing the life of a zombie. On average, until I was around 30, I masturbated at last two times per day - sometimes 5-6 times per day - and it became unfulfilling. It just left me more frustrated, depressed, and anxious. I did not own a sex toy until a few months ago. I do not enjoy promiscuous sex - sport sex - at all. I enjoy having monogamous sex because true intimacy with a someone I trust is so much more fulfilling. I am concerned about venereal diseases, but hate condoms - another reason why I won't go out and agressively pursue sex. I'll try almost anything in bed. I love sweaty, furious, fun sex. More recently, I've become a bit more reserved in bed because I'm out of practice and have become more body conscious. I've always been athletically built, but my self-esteem has become increasingly lower because I'm not having regular sex with anyone. I went for three years without having sex and it was horrible. But what's more horrible are the first three months of a "dry period" after having great sex. I can only say that it's what a drug addict must feel like when they are in recovery. Just recently I discovered the joys of masturbating with a vibrator and dildo. The masturbation is more fulfilling now, because the feeling of an orgasm is different (more intense) when my vaginal muscles are vibrating around a 3" x 6" shaft but it's still fairly empty because there is no one there for intimacy. It is incredibly bittersweet to be able to have amazing orgasms every single time I have sex, but the opportunity to have sex is soooo rare that, when I do have sex now, I go a little crazy; become obsessive, anxious and clingy, because I need it again and again and again. Sex is constantly in my thoughts. As others have mentioned, my sex drive is absolutely NOT enjoyable. I am bitchy, edgy, and irritable without it - and it's only getting worse, much worse, as I get older. Unlike others, I do not have a "go to" guy - probably because I've chased them away with my clinginess because I want to have sex all the time. Is there any kind of medication out there that will give me the same type of "upper" that sex does so that I can live my life more productively. I think it will take away "the edge" and cause me to be less irritable. Please help.
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I am 40, terminally single (not by choice), and have always had a very, very consistently high sex drive. I began masturbating regularly at around eight years old and fantasizing about sex. I was 18 when I had my first sexual experience. I cannot recall ever NOT having a orgasm during sex including the first time. I have no understanding at all what it would be like not to have an orgasm - I can have both clitoral and vaginal orgasms easily. When I think about the fact that I am single, I feel like I am living an alternate reality. I'm attractive, own a home, people enjoy being around me, and I seem to have it all together, but the person inside of me is dormant, sad, and constantly struggling for a reason to live. The only time the world seems to move "in sync" is when I've had sex and am in an intimate relationship with someone. Unfortunately, that rarely happens, so most of the time, I'm experiencing the life of a zombie. On average, until I was around 30, I masturbated at last two times per day - sometimes 5-6 times per day - and it became unfulfilling. It just left me more frustrated, depressed, and anxious. I did not own a sex toy until a few months ago. I do not enjoy promiscuous sex - sport sex - at all. I enjoy having monogamous sex because true intimacy with a someone I trust is so much more fulfilling. I am concerned about venereal diseases, but hate condoms - another reason why I won't go out and agressively pursue sex. I'll try almost anything in bed. I love sweaty, furious, fun sex. More recently, I've become a bit more reserved in bed because I'm out of practice and have become more body conscious. I've always been athletically built, but my self-esteem has become increasingly lower because I'm not having regular sex with anyone. I went for three years without having sex and it was horrible. But what's more horrible are the first three months of a "dry period" after having great sex. I can only say that it's what a drug addict must feel like when they are in recovery. Just recently I discovered the joys of masturbating with a vibrator and dildo. The masturbation is more fulfilling now, because the feeling of an orgasm is different (more intense) when my vaginal muscles are vibrating around a 3" x 6" shaft but it's still fairly empty because there is no one there for intimacy. It is incredibly bittersweet to be able to have amazing orgasms every single time I have sex, but the opportunity to have sex is soooo rare that, when I do have sex now, I go a little crazy; become obsessive, anxious and clingy, because I need it again and again and again. Sex is constantly in my thoughts. As others have mentioned, my sex drive is absolutely NOT enjoyable. I am bitchy, edgy, and irritable without it - and it's only getting worse, much worse, as I get older. Unlike others, I do not have a "go to" guy - probably because I've chased them away with my clinginess because I want to have sex all the time. Is there any kind of medication out there that will give me the same type of "upper" that sex does so that I can live my life more productively. I think it will take away "the edge" and cause me to be less irritable. Please help.
February 28, 2010 - 12:00amThis Comment
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