Same situation here ladies, new marriage in a 2 year relationship where we had split twice before over this. His 3rd marriage, my 2nd. HIs firs wife cheated and his second wife 12 years younger. Sex is always great for a few months geting back together than stops, many excuses but cant control his wandering eye when we are out and has a pornography/masturbation issue, he is never too tired, etc for that though he works hard to hide it from me (now has it at work in his work van where I cant see it). He is otherwise a great guy though, great dad to his and my older kids as well as my 11 yr old. Before when this happened it destroyed me and my sense of worth, value and sexuality (I am very attractive). Before we got maried this June though I told him I could not promise monogamy to him if he falls back to old patterns. He said he understood, we'll see. Just dont want to choose to live without my best friend or be the "bad guy" with our kids and I do love everything else about him - hard to find these days actually. Thanks ladies for being so brave and speaking up for yourselves and for all of us going through this gut wrenching time. Its a challenge to be mentally present and care for children or others when our spirits are so low. Never doubt that you are very loving, sexy and desireable in every way. Make choices for the best interests of yourself and consider your children if you have them. When my affair happens, if he is hurt and leaves me, at least he will know that I did all I could to work with him first because I would have much preferred a healthy monogamous relationship with him. Dont take such a risk if your SO is prone to anger though. I have noticed so far that these types of men are not usually angry violent types but do be careful in your decisions and remember, as long as you have us "sisters" you are not alone in this.
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Same situation here ladies, new marriage in a 2 year relationship where we had split twice before over this. His 3rd marriage, my 2nd. HIs firs wife cheated and his second wife 12 years younger. Sex is always great for a few months geting back together than stops, many excuses but cant control his wandering eye when we are out and has a pornography/masturbation issue, he is never too tired, etc for that though he works hard to hide it from me (now has it at work in his work van where I cant see it). He is otherwise a great guy though, great dad to his and my older kids as well as my 11 yr old. Before when this happened it destroyed me and my sense of worth, value and sexuality (I am very attractive). Before we got maried this June though I told him I could not promise monogamy to him if he falls back to old patterns. He said he understood, we'll see. Just dont want to choose to live without my best friend or be the "bad guy" with our kids and I do love everything else about him - hard to find these days actually. Thanks ladies for being so brave and speaking up for yourselves and for all of us going through this gut wrenching time. Its a challenge to be mentally present and care for children or others when our spirits are so low. Never doubt that you are very loving, sexy and desireable in every way. Make choices for the best interests of yourself and consider your children if you have them. When my affair happens, if he is hurt and leaves me, at least he will know that I did all I could to work with him first because I would have much preferred a healthy monogamous relationship with him. Dont take such a risk if your SO is prone to anger though. I have noticed so far that these types of men are not usually angry violent types but do be careful in your decisions and remember, as long as you have us "sisters" you are not alone in this.
October 21, 2011 - 12:24pmThis Comment
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