Hello, I am almost 36 years old. My husband is almost 38. When we first met, I had just gotten out of a 12 year relationship. My ex took it upon himself to find someone else when I was 7 months pregnant. My little girl will be 4 in june, and my husband has been raising her like his own since she was about 2-3months. We are in the process of having him adopt her. Since we have been together, we have had another child. For about the past 2 and a half years, we have grown apart sexually. To the point of me wanting attention from my ex. A while back, about 2 years ago, I spent the night with my ex, but had no sex. I wanted to though, because I wasn't getting touched anymore from my husband. It now is going on six months without sex. He has a variety of excuses. He says he thinks his testosterone is low, but when I tell him to see a doctor, he finds excuses not to. Then he says he wants me to make the first move. When I tell him that after so many months of no touch, I am embarrassed to make the first move, which he calls infantile. Once he said I didn't deserve his touch. Another time he just expressed how evil I was. I wanted everyone to know I am not perfect. I did go to my ex for the emotional comfort. I know that was emotional cheating. I feel like a monster. I had to tell him though because I wanted him to have a choice of stay or go. About a month ago, now me and my best friend who is a girl played around a little. She is bisexual, and I was just so...ummm....in the mood. I have known her for years. The day we messed around(I did not do anything oral) my husband had told me to get the [email protected]#k out of the house. I was plain fed up. I did tell him a few days later. He was upset, but not upset like when I had the emotional affair with my ex. All of this started though when he stopped being intimate. I didn't do this stuff while we were happy. It just happened because I am lonely. He comes home from work at around 11p, (he gets out around 10:30p) takes his sleeping meds, go to his computer, does whatever he does, plays his guitart, then when the medication hits him he comes to bed and passes out. I dread his days off because we yell. He has pushed me on one occasion, and smacked my leg on one occasion. It has only happened those few times, and I have been in a physically abusive relationship before, and this definetly does not strike me as one, pun intended. I don't know what to do. My girls love him so much, and he loves them. He gets irrate when I mention divorce, then calls me a quitter and loser. He says I am dooming myself because my parents are divorced. Well, my grandparents on both sides of my family were not divorced, and I have seen happy marriages and have faith that I can have one too. Just because it may not be with him, does not mean it can not happen. BTW, he is divorced. He got a divorce after 6 months of marriage. Please someone help me, I know I am not perfect, and if anyone thinks I am trashy, that is okay too. I am just the intimate type, who feels sex is important. I know if I condition my lifestyle to abstinence, it will be for him, and i will forever harbour resentment towards him for that, which is not fair to either one of us.