I'm sorry you have been dealing with this for 40+ years. Have you ever talked with a therapist? It may do you some good to help you get back on your feet emotionally, and to learn how to start living a fuller life. It is up to you to take charge, and to get the life you need. Seems like you have been putting this off for a long time. When is it time to say, "enough!"?
The volume of women who are in this community thread should tell you that you are not alone in the least sense. However, you are your own person. You've got to take care of yourself. It is unfair that you place your husband's behavior toward you on all men. Yes, there are some mean, sick and twisted men out there, but there also are some nice ones who would love to be with a woman who has something to offer, even if it's just love and companionship.
A therapist can help you get the to bottom of how your life up to now has affected you, and how you can get past all bad feelings and to start working toward a brighter future. If you need help locating one, ask your doctor for a reference.
Good luck, and let us know how else we can help.