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(reply to Christine Jeffries)

I want to be sure and answer your questions so I am going to use your post in my answer: U said"but have you tried talking with him about your sexual challenges?" Yes, talk, pleaded, begged for understanding. Then you asked'" Do you think he may have a physical/medical problem that's prohibiting him from being intimate?" No, in all honesty I dont think I even please him when we have sex. I am not some young naive girl, I can tell when a man has been satisfied and I just dont see this with him. He says he is, but I dont see it.
What changed? "I wish I knew"
You go on to say: "I understand how you would feel responsible for having him move to be with you. In that regard, have you done your due diligence to try to get to the bottom of why things are how they are now." Yes I feel as if I have, I have asked him whats wrong, what can I change, do we need counseling, does he need to see a doctor, and all I ever get is. Its not you.
You ask " Are you intimate in other ways?" I am going to assume do we hold hands, do we cuddle, do we sit and watch TV or movies together. To answer this, hmmm, we do things together, but I never feel as if we are doing these things as a couple, I feel as if we are two friends hanging out. He says he feels different. So my only response to him is, well then we have two completely different ideas of what a relationship is about. As for kissing, we no longer seem to even do that.
Then you asked, " Do you date?" Yes we do, we are going out to dinner tonight. We went to the lake the other day. We went to the movies over the weekend. Finally you asked ,"Have you discussed the issue with him?" My answer, when have I not discussed it with him.
I do realize he is trying to make this relationship work, and I have read enough posts to know that this is not an isolated situation. We date, he is sweet in things he does. But for me, He could put the world at my feet, but if I cant be kissed more, held more, and simply physically loved more, I would rather be alone. It is not the things in life that make me happy. I could live in a shack, as long as I felt that connection with the person. And for me part of that connection is love making. I realized today, its been over a month since we have kissed, I mean really kissed. I get pecks, a blow in the air, but I want a kiss. A kiss that makes me swoon. And I know those exist. I have had them with him.
Honestly, I am beginning to think he is a man that is gay and is denying it. And if he is, then fine, go find the love of your life, man or woman. As every day passes, I realize more and more we are not meant to be together. And this does not mean I dont love him. Here I sit now tearing up at the thought of him leaving, but here we are entering a holiday of love. We were given a great gift of love from above, and i cherish this season and want to be surrounded by people that I love and that truly love me. And maybe he does love me, but not in the way where I feel it inside. Every day we grow further and further apart, and I tell him. I tell him why things are growing ever so distant between us. I tell him, I feel unloved, undesired, and unwanted. I am not bashful with how I feel. But nothing changes. If his actions do not change, how can anything improve. If his inactions continue, it is only making the distance grow, the pain in me grow.
The pain I feel each night when I go to an empty bed knowing he will not come to join me until I am so sleepy, I can do nothing but sleep assuredly means we will end. We will ultimately go our seperate ways. And its breaking my heart.

December 1, 2010 - 3:59pm


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