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Anonymous

This is the first time I have actually been to this site and now I realize that I'm not alone. My husband and I got married about 4 1/2 years ago. During the first week of marriage he stopped all physical contact with me. He said that there is a condition and that I must lose weight. I have an extra 50 pounds on me and this is how he met me. I actually started losing weight, lost about 20lbs. but he still told me that I'm fat and that he can't be with me. According to him, it's simply impossible to be with me being over weight. He tells me, "I can't do it, I don't even know what I'm doing when I'm with you"...of course he's referencing my womanhood. I have tried losing the weight but it's really hard for me. I am polycystic ovaries and that makes it a bit hard, not impossible but hard. however, i have never been a size 2 and that is what he wants. he wants me to be a size 2!!! I don't think that is even physically possible for me.
So it's been more than 4 years. every now and then i try to entise him or arouse him...he gets aroused, then i do all the work and he's released. but the last time i tried doing even that, his body didn't respond to me. so i gave up as of 6 months ago. don't know what else to do... i have even told him he can go and leave... but after a fight we make up and go back to the same routine. i can't move forward ... i feel trapped.
I'm 38 and am looking at early menopause due to my condition. I want a baby...and he's not budging... i have even begged him not to take the dream of motherhood from me...but all he tells me is lose weight...then we'll see...
What if it's too late by then? What if I can never be a size 2?
I need strength to leave...but I'm so tied to him emotionally...he's a good man...but not good enough for me to depend on, I guess...
IF I HAD THE STRENGTH TO LEAVE, I WOULD...
DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE IT IN ME...and where would i go?

November 23, 2010 - 4:25pm

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