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(reply to Anonymous)

After reading your post, I am wondering why you are so mad, frustrated and angry? What else is going on in your relationship that is causing you so much hurt?

Many couples have sex once or twice a week, and this is completely normal. I am not sure what weight or your previous relationship have to do with any of this? That is why I'm wondering why you are bringing up so many outside factors that are unrelated, instead of focusing on the facts that you and your husband are having physical intimacy on a weekly basis. If you want to engage in sex more frequently and he does not, then that is a topic of conversation for the both of you. Is there room to compromise or negotiate? Why do you feel that you need to have sex more frequently, as it sounds like your entire self esteem is riding on this fact, making me question if your husband is feeling some pressure to have sex with you to make you feel normal...and that sex is not "just sex" between you two (it is your entire self-worth, which would indeed be a daunting task for your husband!!). Do you feel that your physical intimacy with your husband is mutually enjoyable, fun, silly, pleasurable, desirable, etc? Are there too many demands or guilt-trips or second-guessing?

Please put your sex life / physical intimacy life in perspective, and sit down and talk with your husband. Let him know that you are feeling unloved, feeling less-than-confident, feeling low self-worth, and that the only way you know how to build this up is by being physically intimate with him, and when he doesn't feel like having sex, you go deeper into your sadness. See if you two can come up with new ways that YOU can build YOUR confidence without relying on him.

And...maybe after all of this...the frequency of sex or physical intimacy might just increase because you are not demanding it so much.

The other part of this story is: if you feel that your husband is not showing you affection during the other parts of the week when you are not having sex, then this is a legitimate concern and worthy of being discussed with him as well.

What are your thoughts? (Hope I wasn't too blunt)

May 9, 2010 - 8:03pm

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