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Anonymous (reply to DiW)

DiW, I am very heartbroken to hear your story! I am now in a relationship with a similar man. The only difference is that he blames it on me being pregnant... which I know isn't true because our "sex life" was pritty much non-exsistant before hand. and we had only been together two months!! I have done some serious thinking in my life about this man and our "issues" they sound similar to yours. I am a beautiful women, which i am sure you are too, and there is no good reason why a man would reject us so often and so harshly... thats why I began to think it wasn't about the "sex", or about how I felt, or about how it made me feel when he rejected me, it was all about him. ITs just a small symptom of a HUGE issue, and not the only symptom. If your guy is anyhting like mine, the world revolves around him, not you, or you as a couple, but simply him. If your thinking this over, DO NOT think of things he's said that would prove this, rather think of things he's done. Like refusing you sex and not caring how it makes you feel. Forcing you to consider trying to repress your desire for intimacy when he's considering nothing, he's given you no choice. He also most likley withdraws from you emotionally alot, and doesn't take alot of time to make you feel special, beautiful, loved... he probably doesn't listen to what you have to say with interest, but rahter goes on about stuff HE would like to talk about, basically changing the topic on you, you probably not only feel physically rejected, but emotionally as well... its because its all true.
I am not one to scream "abuse", I am like most women and try to find every way possible to blame myself for the issue and try to fix myself in order to fix the issue, but when a man acts this way towards you it is a form of emotional abuse. A few of the tell tale signs of emotional abuse are:
With holding sex
Playing the "silent game"
shifting blame onto you
always bringing up past incidents to deflect the incident at hand
saying "you always" or "you never"
saying cruel or harsh things to you and then claiming he's "just kidding"
making all the major desicions
not allowing you to speak freely without fear of saying the wrong thing
"punishing" you by silent treatment, angry looks, leaving
Withholding affection
making you come to him

the list goes on... theres many different types, but if you are experiencing any of those things, even if its not all... I urge you to learn about emotioanl abuse, it will open your eyes and help you to see the big picture! A good place to go is a site called "dailystrentgh.com" if you read the blogs posted on emotional and physical abuse, you will began to get a broader knowledge of abuse and realize that hitting is not the only type of abuse, only one type... emotional abuse is far moer common and in some cases can be more damaging.... please look into it for your sake! You deserve to be loved and feel loved, you are not asking too much! You aer simply asking to be respected, shown affection, and to be treated with kindness and appreciation, those are normal and acceptable things to ask for, what is not normal is someone refusing you those things and treating you liek your crazy for asking... its a mind game. Hang in there!

April 22, 2010 - 3:03pm


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