We're so glad you found us at EmpowHer. Thank you for writing, I can tell that it was really hard for you to put it all down in black and white.
Ordinarily, I would tell you just to wait until you move out, because living with his parents would be a libido-killer for anyone, I think. It just seems hard to be relaxed and in that romantic zone knowing that your mom or dad could hear something. So as I read your letter, I thought my words were going to tell you to breathe, to relax, to wait until after you move out, to let the topic go for a while and to see if things improve once you are out on your own together.
Then I got to the end of your letter and found out he had been emailing other women in secret. This is huge, regardless of whether he ever met anyone. Just the fact that he would ever email someone asking about a secret relationship when the two of you are newlyweds is real trouble.
The emails may have stopped, but what remains is that just four months ago he was deceiving you about something major. I worry about this in the long run. When you talked about it, what did he say about it? (I don't think anything excuses it. But I'm interested in what he told you.)
What I read in your letter is a thoughtful, loving woman who wants to have sex with her husband but who is constantly refused. And that the same husband went behind her back to at least think about the notion of an extracurricular relationship. Is there more to it than this? If not, why are you thinking that the sex issue is yours alone to fix?
Would you and your husband consider couples counseling in this area? Is it something you think might help?
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Anon,
We're so glad you found us at EmpowHer. Thank you for writing, I can tell that it was really hard for you to put it all down in black and white.
Ordinarily, I would tell you just to wait until you move out, because living with his parents would be a libido-killer for anyone, I think. It just seems hard to be relaxed and in that romantic zone knowing that your mom or dad could hear something. So as I read your letter, I thought my words were going to tell you to breathe, to relax, to wait until after you move out, to let the topic go for a while and to see if things improve once you are out on your own together.
Then I got to the end of your letter and found out he had been emailing other women in secret. This is huge, regardless of whether he ever met anyone. Just the fact that he would ever email someone asking about a secret relationship when the two of you are newlyweds is real trouble.
The emails may have stopped, but what remains is that just four months ago he was deceiving you about something major. I worry about this in the long run. When you talked about it, what did he say about it? (I don't think anything excuses it. But I'm interested in what he told you.)
What I read in your letter is a thoughtful, loving woman who wants to have sex with her husband but who is constantly refused. And that the same husband went behind her back to at least think about the notion of an extracurricular relationship. Is there more to it than this? If not, why are you thinking that the sex issue is yours alone to fix?
Would you and your husband consider couples counseling in this area? Is it something you think might help?
April 13, 2010 - 9:35amThis Comment
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