I just freaked out a little bit tonight and cried uncontrollably, which is very unlike me. I am usually even tempered and easy going. It's been almost a year and a half since my husband and I have had sex. There is a big age difference between us, but there are no physical problems involved. He's not having an affair and he doesn't seem to like porn either. We've never been really active in the bedroom, but I'm feeling really alone and my self esteem is terrible when it comes to sexuality. My husband is the only man I've slept with and I think I'm fairly open minded to trying new things. My husband just doesn't find me attractive. When we met, I was very heavy and have since lost 100 pounds! Even then the sex didn't really pick up, so I gained some weight back and am losing it again. He even once told me taht he didn't want me to go to visit his parents because of the way I looked. Yeah, I'm a normal sized person, but I am not a troll by any means. I hate that my esteem seems to be tied to the concept that if I'm not a stick figure that I am unworthy of being a sexual creature. Other than this, we have a great marriage, but I have to wonder if I can live my life without that intimacy from another human being. I usually don't think about this issue - I push it down into myself and ignore it. But it very obviously surfaced today along with a lot of hurt and confusion. It is such a comfort to have found this site and to understand that others are dealing with the same issues. I am too ashamed to talk about the problem with girlfriends or family. I think the best course of action for me is to continue to work on bettering myself for ME and take it day by day.
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I just freaked out a little bit tonight and cried uncontrollably, which is very unlike me. I am usually even tempered and easy going. It's been almost a year and a half since my husband and I have had sex. There is a big age difference between us, but there are no physical problems involved. He's not having an affair and he doesn't seem to like porn either. We've never been really active in the bedroom, but I'm feeling really alone and my self esteem is terrible when it comes to sexuality. My husband is the only man I've slept with and I think I'm fairly open minded to trying new things. My husband just doesn't find me attractive. When we met, I was very heavy and have since lost 100 pounds! Even then the sex didn't really pick up, so I gained some weight back and am losing it again. He even once told me taht he didn't want me to go to visit his parents because of the way I looked. Yeah, I'm a normal sized person, but I am not a troll by any means. I hate that my esteem seems to be tied to the concept that if I'm not a stick figure that I am unworthy of being a sexual creature. Other than this, we have a great marriage, but I have to wonder if I can live my life without that intimacy from another human being. I usually don't think about this issue - I push it down into myself and ignore it. But it very obviously surfaced today along with a lot of hurt and confusion. It is such a comfort to have found this site and to understand that others are dealing with the same issues. I am too ashamed to talk about the problem with girlfriends or family. I think the best course of action for me is to continue to work on bettering myself for ME and take it day by day.
March 10, 2010 - 11:23pmThis Comment
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