You are not being unreasonable. It sounds to me that you are a very loving and thoughtful spouse who feels left out in the dark and isn't sure why.
Some couples may, indeed, have sex only once a year. Others may have sex twice a day. The frequency doesn't matter nearly so much as whether the two partners involved are happy with it. Your husband is apparently happy with once a month, and you aren't. And since you are still pretty much newlyweds (2 years is not that long), I think that in the long run, you're going to be the one who has to decide whether this is enough for you.
It is clear that he doesn't want to change. Can you live the rest of your life in this kind of a marriage?
Have you considered getting some counseling for yourself? I ask because it's clear to me that he's trying to make you responsible for anything that goes wrong in the marriage, whether it's your fault or his. When you are crying and asking for sex, you are vulnerable and open, and yet he isn't respecting you. If you are begging him to stay, that's not a good situation. And if you are making yourself appear happy when you are broken-hearted inside, something is deeply wrong. A counselor would give you a chance to air all this out, in private, and help you figure out how you feel.
Your feelings here are important, they are truthful, and they are worth exploring. If your husband won't do that with you, please consider seeing someone who will. Might this be a possibility?
Comment Reply
Anon,
You are not being unreasonable. It sounds to me that you are a very loving and thoughtful spouse who feels left out in the dark and isn't sure why.
Some couples may, indeed, have sex only once a year. Others may have sex twice a day. The frequency doesn't matter nearly so much as whether the two partners involved are happy with it. Your husband is apparently happy with once a month, and you aren't. And since you are still pretty much newlyweds (2 years is not that long), I think that in the long run, you're going to be the one who has to decide whether this is enough for you.
It is clear that he doesn't want to change. Can you live the rest of your life in this kind of a marriage?
Have you considered getting some counseling for yourself? I ask because it's clear to me that he's trying to make you responsible for anything that goes wrong in the marriage, whether it's your fault or his. When you are crying and asking for sex, you are vulnerable and open, and yet he isn't respecting you. If you are begging him to stay, that's not a good situation. And if you are making yourself appear happy when you are broken-hearted inside, something is deeply wrong. A counselor would give you a chance to air all this out, in private, and help you figure out how you feel.
Your feelings here are important, they are truthful, and they are worth exploring. If your husband won't do that with you, please consider seeing someone who will. Might this be a possibility?
March 10, 2010 - 9:56amThis Comment
Reply