I am also wondering what type of chronic illness your husband has? Regardless of his illness, there is no reason for him to make you feel dirty and worse for buying and using a sex toy. He is obviously taking out his frustrations, guilt, hurt and unhappiness out on you, and I'm sorry you have to deal with the brunt of it. It does sound like he could use some counseling, so that he is better able to deal with his emotions, as your role as the caregiver and spouse (with needs, of course!) can be emotionally draining. Coupled with the fact that you are being insulted for trying to meet your own physical needs..I can only imagine how exhausted you feel.
I'm happy to hear that you still enjoy each other's company, and it could be a good idea to talk with a counselor together who specializes in helping couples regain physical intimacy through a chronic illness. This is VERY common, and I see workshops, books and other media regarding this topic; it makes sense, too, that you are both needing intimacy from each other, in different ways. No one tells us how to be physically intimate with someone after a life event...such as having a new baby, a chronic illness, etc.
I'm not sure if love is enough...but I do know that COMMUNICATION that is open & honest, with both partners feeling heard and understood, is of utmost importance. If you feel you can not even mention a concern that you have without a major fight, it might be time to bring in a 3rd person (counselor) who can help each of you listen effectively and guide you to a solution that works best for both of you. Doesn't that sound wonderful?!
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I am also wondering what type of chronic illness your husband has? Regardless of his illness, there is no reason for him to make you feel dirty and worse for buying and using a sex toy. He is obviously taking out his frustrations, guilt, hurt and unhappiness out on you, and I'm sorry you have to deal with the brunt of it. It does sound like he could use some counseling, so that he is better able to deal with his emotions, as your role as the caregiver and spouse (with needs, of course!) can be emotionally draining. Coupled with the fact that you are being insulted for trying to meet your own physical needs..I can only imagine how exhausted you feel.
I'm happy to hear that you still enjoy each other's company, and it could be a good idea to talk with a counselor together who specializes in helping couples regain physical intimacy through a chronic illness. This is VERY common, and I see workshops, books and other media regarding this topic; it makes sense, too, that you are both needing intimacy from each other, in different ways. No one tells us how to be physically intimate with someone after a life event...such as having a new baby, a chronic illness, etc.
I'm not sure if love is enough...but I do know that COMMUNICATION that is open & honest, with both partners feeling heard and understood, is of utmost importance. If you feel you can not even mention a concern that you have without a major fight, it might be time to bring in a 3rd person (counselor) who can help each of you listen effectively and guide you to a solution that works best for both of you. Doesn't that sound wonderful?!
Please let us know how you are doing!
February 21, 2010 - 1:22pmThis Comment
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