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(reply to Anonymous)

You know, as women, we are nurturing and tend to love unconditionally. It's about time we wake up! I was married for 18 years, raised two wonderful boys into wonderful men, then it all crashed. My husband at the time was showing signs of mental illness but I just thought he was an ass. Over a 10 year span I had become more like a mother to him than a wife. I had to tell him what was acceptable behavior and when it was ok for him to talk to others. I ended up putting him in a hospital. When he got out he refused his diagnosis, was self medicating and was more angry and mentally and emotionally abusive then ever. It's hard to love someone who refuses to help themselves and becomes completely un-lovable! After 20 years I divorced him.

I had been single for 5 years and was totally content when I met my second husband. I told him I had no interest in marriage so he worked double duty to change my mind. I thought I found "the one"! He changed the minute I agreed to marry him. He was miserable in his job and I blamed that stress for his distant behavior toward me.

Well, everyone here has probably read my earlier posts about my cheating husband and how I was packing to move!

Update!! I'm on my own now (well, I did bring my little dog along). I found a great little apartment. I haven't filed for divorce because the move strained my bank account but I'm going to as soon as I have the extra funds. I live 30 miles fro my H on a farm with two electric gates, so he can't just drop in and try to "love me up" and convince me to come home. Before I left I went into hyper-spy mode... I already knew alot of the things he was doing but I found out he has been accused of sexual harassment at work 4 times in 5 years and has been fired for it two of those times. We currently work for the same company and used to work in the same building. He told me he got a promotion (although it didn't seem to come with a pay increase) but I have found out since that he was sent to another office because he inappropriately touched two female employees and was being reprimanded. I asked the two employees and they confirmed it. This behavior has been a pattern since I've known him.

I think as women, we tend to judge others by our own standards, that's why we are so often blindsided by infidelity. As for myself, I knew there was something wrong from the beginning but I tried very hard to accept my H as he was and not try to make him fit into any "mold". The fact that I have never and will never cheat on someone I love blinded me to the signals. My H was actually stunned when, while trying to justify his behavior, he asked me if I have ever lied to him and I looked him straight in the face and told him "no, never". I can't explain the look of shock on his face. It ended the conversation (fight) immediately as he had nowhere to take it!

I hate to sound bitter and jaded, but I really think I'm never going to become romantically involved with anyone again. I just don't trust anymore. Even when I meet a new friend it takes me a long time to trust them. When I divorced my first husband it was liberating. When I finally got out I realized how controlling and manipulative he had been, I felt free and extremely happy. This time is a completely different scenario... I feel depressed, rejected, stupid, used and injured. I know recovery will be a long process.

August 26, 2009 - 8:57am

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