I am so sorry. No one deserves to be neglected that way. I believe that we as women want to be cherished and desired. Please know that you are not alone!!!! You are not inadequate!!!! I too had the same situation as you. I met my husband my senior year of college. He pursued me intently for marriage. We did sleep together before we were married, so it was not like I didn't know. However, at 23 I was confused to the mixed messages. He seemed to love me dearly, yet he did not want to be with my physically. I asked him about it and he stated that at first that I was "making a mountain out of a mole hill". The he went on to say that we were just on different wave lengths physically. I had only dated for 6 months when he begin to talk about marriage. I informed him that I promised my mother that I would wait until I got out of college before marrying. He asked me with a gorgeous ring the night I graduated. We had been dating a year by then and I felt confident that he loved me, but was still confused by his lack of desire. Being a religous person, I thought maybe god would bless our marriage if we abstained and tried to live by the bible. I thought maybe we just got off the wrong start physicially. So I asked if he would be comfortable if we waited until we were married to have sex again. He was very excited about the prospect and agreed. We were engaged for 8 months. He moved to Atlanta. I would go see him and he would be all over me (but we never had sex). This just reassured me that the desire was there. I think I was too nieve to understand anything different. We were together for 9 years, 7 years married and we maybe had sex twice on our week long honeymoon in hawaii. The problem grew worse over the years and I became resentful because he seemed to be very engrossed into pornography. Yet he didn't want to be with me. I was doing well if I got sex once every 2 months. I blamed myself, thought it was my weight (I never weighed over 127 at 5'4 mind you). I was miserably insecure because of this. I has only had 2 long term relationships before my marriage and both were very normal physically. We went to marriage counseling, seperated one time for 2 months. Then after 7 years of marriage, I came home from class (I was in graduate school) to find a note on the bar. "I am staying with a friend. Please split up our finances. I will come by on Saturday." Nine days later I got divorce papers in the mail. My parents divorced in my early twenties. I so wanted my marriage to be different. He crushed my dreams. I have never been the same since. I ran into him about a year after he left in a bar one night. Once again, he came onto me only NOT TO FOLLOW THROUGH. I shut him completely out of life after that. I have been divorced now for 13 years. My heart has never completely mended and I will go to the grave never truly understanding. So I appreciate your despair. But please KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!
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DIW,
I am so sorry. No one deserves to be neglected that way. I believe that we as women want to be cherished and desired. Please know that you are not alone!!!! You are not inadequate!!!! I too had the same situation as you. I met my husband my senior year of college. He pursued me intently for marriage. We did sleep together before we were married, so it was not like I didn't know. However, at 23 I was confused to the mixed messages. He seemed to love me dearly, yet he did not want to be with my physically. I asked him about it and he stated that at first that I was "making a mountain out of a mole hill". The he went on to say that we were just on different wave lengths physically. I had only dated for 6 months when he begin to talk about marriage. I informed him that I promised my mother that I would wait until I got out of college before marrying. He asked me with a gorgeous ring the night I graduated. We had been dating a year by then and I felt confident that he loved me, but was still confused by his lack of desire. Being a religous person, I thought maybe god would bless our marriage if we abstained and tried to live by the bible. I thought maybe we just got off the wrong start physicially. So I asked if he would be comfortable if we waited until we were married to have sex again. He was very excited about the prospect and agreed. We were engaged for 8 months. He moved to Atlanta. I would go see him and he would be all over me (but we never had sex). This just reassured me that the desire was there. I think I was too nieve to understand anything different. We were together for 9 years, 7 years married and we maybe had sex twice on our week long honeymoon in hawaii. The problem grew worse over the years and I became resentful because he seemed to be very engrossed into pornography. Yet he didn't want to be with me. I was doing well if I got sex once every 2 months. I blamed myself, thought it was my weight (I never weighed over 127 at 5'4 mind you). I was miserably insecure because of this. I has only had 2 long term relationships before my marriage and both were very normal physically. We went to marriage counseling, seperated one time for 2 months. Then after 7 years of marriage, I came home from class (I was in graduate school) to find a note on the bar. "I am staying with a friend. Please split up our finances. I will come by on Saturday." Nine days later I got divorce papers in the mail. My parents divorced in my early twenties. I so wanted my marriage to be different. He crushed my dreams. I have never been the same since. I ran into him about a year after he left in a bar one night. Once again, he came onto me only NOT TO FOLLOW THROUGH. I shut him completely out of life after that. I have been divorced now for 13 years. My heart has never completely mended and I will go to the grave never truly understanding. So I appreciate your despair. But please KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!
August 5, 2009 - 4:03pmThis Comment
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