My story sounds a lot like your stories. After just a few months of marriage, my husband became distant and he "didn't know why." A year later, we were about to move, and suddenly he told me maybe I shouldn't go with him because he was afraid I'd blame him for making me leave my job and friends. This was so out-of-nowhere, I did everything to get us back on track. I ended up moving with him, and quickly learned why he wanted to leave me behind. He'd found another woman. And he'd been looking for one the whole time we were together. A few years later (after working things out, or so I thought), when it was time for him to move again, he said maybe it would be better if he went alone--and I just let him go. He's gone, but he still can't let "us" go. He's since lost the new girlfriend, is looking for others, but can't bring himself to sign the papers. But he obviously doesn't want to treat me the way I want/need to be treated. I'm taking away a lot from your posts. "People treat you the way you let them, not the way you deserve." I had a challenging childhood, so it was tough for me to realize that I didn't need to put up with this cr*p. I grew up with a narcissist parent, so I didn't see the red flags (they were just part of "real life" to me). I'm so happy to learn that I'm not alone. And I can look at this as B.S., instead of what it feels like sometimes, "a tragedy." It's not tragic, it's just a shame he's just a selfish, immature jerk. And I don't need to take it anymore. For a long time, it hurt me to think of doing anything that would hurt him; but now I realize that was the wrong way of thinking, and I've suffered needlessly because of it. But I learned. :)
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My story sounds a lot like your stories. After just a few months of marriage, my husband became distant and he "didn't know why." A year later, we were about to move, and suddenly he told me maybe I shouldn't go with him because he was afraid I'd blame him for making me leave my job and friends. This was so out-of-nowhere, I did everything to get us back on track. I ended up moving with him, and quickly learned why he wanted to leave me behind. He'd found another woman. And he'd been looking for one the whole time we were together. A few years later (after working things out, or so I thought), when it was time for him to move again, he said maybe it would be better if he went alone--and I just let him go. He's gone, but he still can't let "us" go. He's since lost the new girlfriend, is looking for others, but can't bring himself to sign the papers. But he obviously doesn't want to treat me the way I want/need to be treated. I'm taking away a lot from your posts. "People treat you the way you let them, not the way you deserve." I had a challenging childhood, so it was tough for me to realize that I didn't need to put up with this cr*p. I grew up with a narcissist parent, so I didn't see the red flags (they were just part of "real life" to me). I'm so happy to learn that I'm not alone. And I can look at this as B.S., instead of what it feels like sometimes, "a tragedy." It's not tragic, it's just a shame he's just a selfish, immature jerk. And I don't need to take it anymore. For a long time, it hurt me to think of doing anything that would hurt him; but now I realize that was the wrong way of thinking, and I've suffered needlessly because of it. But I learned. :)
August 1, 2009 - 12:06pmThis Comment
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