OMG I know EXACTLY what you are going through because I am going through it too. All i can say is hang in there. It hurts, I know, but keep reading. Last September my husband of 1 1/2 years told me he was no longer sexually attracted to me. That he wishes I would do something about my weight like go to the gym more and count my calories, and to be more "outdoors-ey". Well, all i can say is, he knew about all of this going in. We were friends for 5 years before we dated, lived together for 1 1/2 years before getting married, so he KNEW I wasn't outdoors-ey. A lot more was said but I can't go into it, it hurts too bad to "look" at it. He says he still loves me, and he really is wonderful with every other part of our marriage-- except the big one-- he is just sexually turned off by me. (There are No kids, just us). I don't believe he is cheating on me either, I just don't have that gut feeling/ women's intuition that he is, plus I've asked him, and the look on his face was answer enough. No. But being told I was unattractive to my HUSBAND --It tore my heart to pieces. I still want to cry every day. So.... after a few weeks of misery, I realized I ultimatly had 2 choices. 1. I could let this tear my marriage apart and divorce him (which I don't want to do because I still love him) or 2. I can do something about it. So I started going to the gym. I began taking the dogs jogging every day. I started counting my calories. I bought the Wii Fit. I got Scuba dive certified to be more "outdoors-ey"! The sex has picked up, now a little, instead of it being maybe once a month/ once every other month-- to about 5 times a month-- but not like it was before-- romping every single night until the day we got married -- but The funny thing is, I was 185 the day we got married, I am now 156. (I was 165 in September when he said that to me, the same weight as when we first got together!). We live in Hawaii, and he says "when we're at the beach and I see all these girls in bikinis, then I see you..." well I'm sure you know what the rest of the conversations sound like. Then, he started "giving me calorie advice" EVERY FRIKKIN TIME I ATE ANYTHING!!!! Mind you, we don't have bread, rice, or potatoes in the house. Our meals are meates and vegies. There are no snacks junk food or sweets in the house either. I DO NOT PIG OUT. I haven't bought ice cream in 8 months!!!
He watches what he eats, but ask me when was the last time HE went to the gym?? When was the last time HE walked the dogs unless I was too tired after work to jog them and i have to beg for him to take them out??
I finally lost it when we were at the mall, in the food court, and he wanted Panda Express and I said I'd rather go to Ruby Tuesday's for the salad bar and a baked potato. You know what he said?? "How many calories do you think are in your ranch dressing?" (later I looked it up, 460 in 2 ounces. Do you think that is worse then his Panda Express????? So I refused to eat anything, and on our drive home I finally balled my eyes out screaming at him the whole time. I asked him who the F- he thought he was? That's he's not God's gift to women either so what gave him the right? That I WAS AFRAID TO EAT IN FRONT OF HIM anymore because of his reactions. I asked him WOULD HE WANT TO BE MARRIED TO SOMEONE WHO WASN'T ATTRACTED TO HIM and constantly treated HIM this way? What person would want to deal with that? That he has turned himself into the most CRUEL, SHALLOW, PRICK on the face of the earth in my eyes. then I asked him, if I did all this to you, would you still want to stay married to me? Because if the answer is no, you'd better start re-thinking your priorities and start picking your battles with me-- ranch dressing or Panda Express? Hmmm, which is the lesser of the 2 evils? 2 ounces of ranch? ok, then SHUT THE F--- UP!
So..... he has been utterly charming ever since, sweet, not one word about calories, and very affectionate. Problem is, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting till this all dies down and it goes right back to the way it was. I hope I'm wrong, that he finally GOT IT.
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OMG I know EXACTLY what you are going through because I am going through it too. All i can say is hang in there. It hurts, I know, but keep reading. Last September my husband of 1 1/2 years told me he was no longer sexually attracted to me. That he wishes I would do something about my weight like go to the gym more and count my calories, and to be more "outdoors-ey". Well, all i can say is, he knew about all of this going in. We were friends for 5 years before we dated, lived together for 1 1/2 years before getting married, so he KNEW I wasn't outdoors-ey. A lot more was said but I can't go into it, it hurts too bad to "look" at it. He says he still loves me, and he really is wonderful with every other part of our marriage-- except the big one-- he is just sexually turned off by me. (There are No kids, just us). I don't believe he is cheating on me either, I just don't have that gut feeling/ women's intuition that he is, plus I've asked him, and the look on his face was answer enough. No. But being told I was unattractive to my HUSBAND --It tore my heart to pieces. I still want to cry every day. So.... after a few weeks of misery, I realized I ultimatly had 2 choices. 1. I could let this tear my marriage apart and divorce him (which I don't want to do because I still love him) or 2. I can do something about it. So I started going to the gym. I began taking the dogs jogging every day. I started counting my calories. I bought the Wii Fit. I got Scuba dive certified to be more "outdoors-ey"! The sex has picked up, now a little, instead of it being maybe once a month/ once every other month-- to about 5 times a month-- but not like it was before-- romping every single night until the day we got married -- but The funny thing is, I was 185 the day we got married, I am now 156. (I was 165 in September when he said that to me, the same weight as when we first got together!). We live in Hawaii, and he says "when we're at the beach and I see all these girls in bikinis, then I see you..." well I'm sure you know what the rest of the conversations sound like. Then, he started "giving me calorie advice" EVERY FRIKKIN TIME I ATE ANYTHING!!!! Mind you, we don't have bread, rice, or potatoes in the house. Our meals are meates and vegies. There are no snacks junk food or sweets in the house either. I DO NOT PIG OUT. I haven't bought ice cream in 8 months!!!
He watches what he eats, but ask me when was the last time HE went to the gym?? When was the last time HE walked the dogs unless I was too tired after work to jog them and i have to beg for him to take them out??
I finally lost it when we were at the mall, in the food court, and he wanted Panda Express and I said I'd rather go to Ruby Tuesday's for the salad bar and a baked potato. You know what he said?? "How many calories do you think are in your ranch dressing?" (later I looked it up, 460 in 2 ounces. Do you think that is worse then his Panda Express????? So I refused to eat anything, and on our drive home I finally balled my eyes out screaming at him the whole time. I asked him who the F- he thought he was? That's he's not God's gift to women either so what gave him the right? That I WAS AFRAID TO EAT IN FRONT OF HIM anymore because of his reactions. I asked him WOULD HE WANT TO BE MARRIED TO SOMEONE WHO WASN'T ATTRACTED TO HIM and constantly treated HIM this way? What person would want to deal with that? That he has turned himself into the most CRUEL, SHALLOW, PRICK on the face of the earth in my eyes. then I asked him, if I did all this to you, would you still want to stay married to me? Because if the answer is no, you'd better start re-thinking your priorities and start picking your battles with me-- ranch dressing or Panda Express? Hmmm, which is the lesser of the 2 evils? 2 ounces of ranch? ok, then SHUT THE F--- UP!
So..... he has been utterly charming ever since, sweet, not one word about calories, and very affectionate. Problem is, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting till this all dies down and it goes right back to the way it was. I hope I'm wrong, that he finally GOT IT.
See, you're NOT ALONE.
April 20, 2009 - 3:16pmmy support and love,
jules
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