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Anonymous

While it certainly is not the worst illness one can have (maybe), having bipolar illness can wreak havoc with many of our relationships, not simply a couple of friends. I have been bipolar for 16 years now, and I have managed to alienate everyone in my family, my husband left me, I haven't one friend and am totally isolated socially. My husband left nine years ago and, frankly, all I have been able to do in those years is sit in my apartment and read, write, listen to music, cook for myself. There was a time, a few years ago, when I developed a really strong relationship with another woman, who suffered from depression that did not respond to treatment. We became great friends, and I treated her as I would a sister. Then, one day she just walked. Did not take my calls, I never saw her again. To this day I do not know what happened. I became so depressed, I attempted suicide. The sudden abandonment just destroyed any sense of self I had. I have lost my siblings, nieces, their spouses. None of them have ever read about bipolar illness. But, they think I am lazy and make excuses for myself. They want to know why it is that I can do some things, but not others. I don't know what to say except I don't know either. It is part of the fact that each day when I awake, I do not know who I am going to be that day. I am very dependent on psychiatric medication, and am not stable enough to work. I had a simply dashing career, was very much in demand in my field and had a great life before this happened. I am saying all of this to make it clear that, yes, their may be professional high-functioning people with bipolar disorder. But more frequently, the disease devastates our lives, our families and friends abandon us, we cannot make new friends, cannot work, are cognitively and socially as well as emotionally impaired, must live with the constant side effects of a multitude of medications and have not gotten to a quality of life that is acceptable for us and for everyone else. When I ask my doctor if I will ever be stable, he reassures me that I have done well since early diagnosis. That is all he will commit to. He says, anything can happen. Great. Just wanted to join the talk and speak for people like me. Thank you.

March 31, 2009 - 5:37pm

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