You said: "I feel like I deserve the good man that I knew back." and "He is back being the person I fell in love with".
You can never have the man "that you knew" back, and he is never going to "be back to the person" he was a year ago. He's changed over the year. You've changed over the year. You've both had other experiences in those 12 months. Those factors alone create a different relationship.
You deserve love, happiness and peace in your life, no doubt. It sounds like this man is on a pedestal...does he deserve that?
To me, that's what the tears and heartache are about. He sounds "too good to be true", and you've wrapped up in this one man EVERYTHING that you are sad about in ALL relationships; your word choices are interesting: to describe this man, they are all positive ("wonderful", "beautiful", "affectionate", "interesting", "good", "healthy"), but about yourself, you said you are "selfish" many times; "strong" once. Do you think some of the tears are that you've been dealt a bad hand, that you have all the heartbreak and none of the good in your life? If so, go ahead---feel sorry for yourself! It's OK! I think "naming" your sadness is the first step; you may not (really) be crying over what you think you are (the perfect untouchable man) and may be crying over some wounded parts of yourself.
Just one person's opinion! What are your thoughts?