I was in a relationship for almost 18 years and married for 10 of those, and my husband suffered from MS the entire time. He had been an outdoorsy man, pilot, wood-worker, hunter, fisherman, and earned his living as a cop. But as the disease progressed, he too physically deteriorated and was in a wheelchair for the past 7 years. He too was angry and mean, but like you said, who wouldn't be? I sought individual counseling, caregivers counseling, and together we sought Christian counseling and nothing seemed to help. So, pushed to what I thought was my limit, I decided we should separate because the relationship had gotten so toxic and things were being said that we hurtful and couldn't be taken back. Before leaving, I tried to find additional caregivers (we had two because I had hurt my back caring for him) and even a possible roommate so that someone would be there through the night, but he made that difficult, so when I left he had the two caregivers that would come in the morning, afternoon, and evening. I felt like I had done everything I could to make sure he was taken care of. Three weeks after I left, my husband passed away, sad and alone. I'm sure you can imagine the guilt and regret I'm feeling, but unfortunately there's nothing I can do to make things right now. I never should have left. He couldn't help what he was going through and I should have understood, but I didn't and there's no excuse. No matter what you're going through, just remember that its the disease that has taken control. I would urge you to hang in there, no matter how much time your husband may have left. Take care of yourself by trying to find others going through the same thing, reach out to friends and family and your Church for support, go to the gym to work out your frustrations, but stay. Unlike me, remember your commitment to your husband...in sickness and health. God bless.
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I was in a relationship for almost 18 years and married for 10 of those, and my husband suffered from MS the entire time. He had been an outdoorsy man, pilot, wood-worker, hunter, fisherman, and earned his living as a cop. But as the disease progressed, he too physically deteriorated and was in a wheelchair for the past 7 years. He too was angry and mean, but like you said, who wouldn't be? I sought individual counseling, caregivers counseling, and together we sought Christian counseling and nothing seemed to help. So, pushed to what I thought was my limit, I decided we should separate because the relationship had gotten so toxic and things were being said that we hurtful and couldn't be taken back. Before leaving, I tried to find additional caregivers (we had two because I had hurt my back caring for him) and even a possible roommate so that someone would be there through the night, but he made that difficult, so when I left he had the two caregivers that would come in the morning, afternoon, and evening. I felt like I had done everything I could to make sure he was taken care of. Three weeks after I left, my husband passed away, sad and alone. I'm sure you can imagine the guilt and regret I'm feeling, but unfortunately there's nothing I can do to make things right now. I never should have left. He couldn't help what he was going through and I should have understood, but I didn't and there's no excuse. No matter what you're going through, just remember that its the disease that has taken control. I would urge you to hang in there, no matter how much time your husband may have left. Take care of yourself by trying to find others going through the same thing, reach out to friends and family and your Church for support, go to the gym to work out your frustrations, but stay. Unlike me, remember your commitment to your husband...in sickness and health. God bless.
August 20, 2018 - 8:23amThis Comment
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