Facebook Pixel

Comment Reply

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I completely understand. I am 33 and my husband is 37, when he turned 30 he started having muscle movement issues, seizure activity, depression, and now 6-7 yrs later we still have no defined answer but he is now disabled, in chronic pain and his memory issues have been traced to mild brain damage. In some ways I still see the man I married an love. But for the last several years it has felt like being a nurse and a parent, rather than a lover and wife, sex became a 1-3x a month thing and even then all I felt was bad cus I could see his pain. He would still say sweet things and hold me, but considering I was left with everything at home, all the financial responsibilities, stress and worry...I felt more smothered, and then guilty for nagging him, but I worried and sometimes it felt he didn't, but I knew he still loved me.
His health got to the point I worried non-stop at work and hired a guy friend to help, that led into flirting, then me pushing my husband towards letting me take on this friend (and now my husbands caregiver too) as a BF, hubby was thinking about it, but I got weak and the friend was already tested (im a nurse in career too so I was being safe)..I grew weak in my lonliness and slept with the friend 2x, he pushed me to tell hubby, I did and he instantly forgave me....I then had a sick hubby and a bf...but bf started looking elsewhere cus he had fallen for me but felt he couldn't handle sharing me with my husband, he slept with a girl and then confessed to me...(this lead to me developing trust issues)....hubby was there every time I was upset with BF and visa versa...but the closer BF fell for me, the more he didn't want to share me. I realized the main reason I was still with my hubby was guilt that he wasn't gonna get better, and needed me. I requested a separation, hubby started acting passive aggressive with BF and BF lost his temper and hit hubby. Cus by now hes viewing it more and more as this man wants to steal his GF and keep her by guilt. Hubby did not call the cops but moved out. BF felt guilty for losing it and started going out of his way to make it up to hubby, but he still wants hubby to move on and let me be happy because I still financially support him a lot. I still take care of hubby but he keeps asking me on dates, not even trying to take care of himself...is great when txting but in person I can see how he is doing nothing to take care of himself and he states its depression, that he misses me and wants me back even if he has to wait years...this hurts BF cus he wants to feel like BFs friend again, but cant as long as he feels I could get pulled back out of guilt. I love my BF and it is nice having an actual partner, but its hard cus I have 3yrs with hubby.....did I mention all of this constant pain and guilt pushed me to attempt suicide 2x, and I border on it still because one I feel NEEDS me and loves me...and the other I feel loves me....and if I pick either I hurt the other....so yeah...I know how you feel x10.

March 16, 2018 - 1:05am

Reply

Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy