You have my compassion in the illness you are confronted with. I hope the best for you. I hope to shed a little light on the caregiver aspect. I am married and my husband has been chronically ill for the past 10 years. I don't intend to leave him, but I won't say that I haven't been tempted to. When spouses leave, I don't think that most leave because their spouse got sick. They leave because there are areas so lacking that they can't recover from. Caring for an ill spouse is so incredibly complicated and I don't think anyone can be prepared for it. In some cases, it changes the person that you were married to into someone that if you met today, you likely wouldn't give a second of your time to. That transformation, if negative leaves you feeling abandoned, lonely, overburdened and humiliated in some cases. Especially if the ill person is so bitter that they take it out on their spouse. Then you get to take care of the person who is disrespecting you. Before my husband's illness, I thought the same thing. How could anyone leave a sick spouse?? But now, going through it, though it's not my choice, I can understand why. There is so much grief, not only for the spouse that you once knew, but for your life and dreams as you thought they would be. No one ever asks for it on either side. I guess the weaker the foundation of the marriage, the faster it will crumble. I salute all of the caregivers who continue out of love and kindness. I salute all of the people dealing with illness with strength and dignity. Sometimes illness can bring out the best in both sides with more appreciation for others and life in general. Just in a lot of cases, it brings out unbearable ugliness and if that ill person is unwilling to get help to change, that is what can force the most loving person to feel like they have met their edge. Just some things to consider when we cast judgement either way.
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To the woman with ALS signed anonymous
You have my compassion in the illness you are confronted with. I hope the best for you. I hope to shed a little light on the caregiver aspect. I am married and my husband has been chronically ill for the past 10 years. I don't intend to leave him, but I won't say that I haven't been tempted to. When spouses leave, I don't think that most leave because their spouse got sick. They leave because there are areas so lacking that they can't recover from. Caring for an ill spouse is so incredibly complicated and I don't think anyone can be prepared for it. In some cases, it changes the person that you were married to into someone that if you met today, you likely wouldn't give a second of your time to. That transformation, if negative leaves you feeling abandoned, lonely, overburdened and humiliated in some cases. Especially if the ill person is so bitter that they take it out on their spouse. Then you get to take care of the person who is disrespecting you. Before my husband's illness, I thought the same thing. How could anyone leave a sick spouse?? But now, going through it, though it's not my choice, I can understand why. There is so much grief, not only for the spouse that you once knew, but for your life and dreams as you thought they would be. No one ever asks for it on either side. I guess the weaker the foundation of the marriage, the faster it will crumble. I salute all of the caregivers who continue out of love and kindness. I salute all of the people dealing with illness with strength and dignity. Sometimes illness can bring out the best in both sides with more appreciation for others and life in general. Just in a lot of cases, it brings out unbearable ugliness and if that ill person is unwilling to get help to change, that is what can force the most loving person to feel like they have met their edge. Just some things to consider when we cast judgement either way.
August 26, 2017 - 9:29amThis Comment
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