I have dreamt of leaving. My fear is that he wouldn't be able to care for himself. He cannot afford his medications and can't keep anything straight in his own healthcare. I know he loves our son, and he overall plays well with him. I guess my fear is that if I leave him, he will not obtain any care from anyone really. His family lives about 700 miles away...they weren't very helpful when we lived a few hours away and are elderly. I guess I'm also afraid of the "stigma" of leaving a sick spouse. He cornered me the other day and asked me how I thought we were doing (relationship wise)...this would have been my opportunity to speak up for myself, but I chickened out. I just said "fine" and walked away. I have sought counseling in the past and she's asked me "how much more are you willing to tak?" and honestly, I just don't know. I feel completely burned out. I wish that there was an easy way out of this mess, but there isn't. I'm going to hurt so many people if I do leave. I'm sure his family will be so angry with me. I don't think that he'd move closer to his family because of our son. He certainly can't support himself at this point, so I'm sure that I would be paying to care for him for the rest of his life...which really, I don't want him to suffer, I don't want him to not be able to pay for his medications or not see his son. I feel lost and hopeless about this relationship.
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I have dreamt of leaving. My fear is that he wouldn't be able to care for himself. He cannot afford his medications and can't keep anything straight in his own healthcare. I know he loves our son, and he overall plays well with him. I guess my fear is that if I leave him, he will not obtain any care from anyone really. His family lives about 700 miles away...they weren't very helpful when we lived a few hours away and are elderly. I guess I'm also afraid of the "stigma" of leaving a sick spouse. He cornered me the other day and asked me how I thought we were doing (relationship wise)...this would have been my opportunity to speak up for myself, but I chickened out. I just said "fine" and walked away. I have sought counseling in the past and she's asked me "how much more are you willing to tak?" and honestly, I just don't know. I feel completely burned out. I wish that there was an easy way out of this mess, but there isn't. I'm going to hurt so many people if I do leave. I'm sure his family will be so angry with me. I don't think that he'd move closer to his family because of our son. He certainly can't support himself at this point, so I'm sure that I would be paying to care for him for the rest of his life...which really, I don't want him to suffer, I don't want him to not be able to pay for his medications or not see his son. I feel lost and hopeless about this relationship.
June 17, 2009 - 4:53pmThis Comment
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