I thought this was an excellent comment & message! I am nowhere near in the same situation, and the answer to the question "what do I do?" depends on so many factors.
I appreciated the comment that "we cannot change the course of the illness", which is what many couples try to do: they try to "fix" problems. Sometimes, problems and illnesses are not fixable, no matter how good of a person we are.
Also, your comment, "I always thought I could make his happiness but I can’t, I can only make mine". This is so true, no matter what you are going through in your marriage. It is extremely difficult to not allow one person to "bring you down", but the most important person that you are responsible for is yourself. You can not make someone else happy, or healthy, or emotionally stable.
In my opinion, there are nurses and home aids to take care of chronically ill family members, and friends & family can offer emotional support, hugs and kisses, financial support and more. If someone is not receptive to support, then I do not see how a caregiver can be a good mom, friend, co-worker, (and more) to others. It does take a very strong person to be a caregiver, and also takes a very strong person to take care of themselves.
I've never believed in the notion to "stay together for the kids", as children are very aware of their surroundings. I would hope that if my husband and I ever got to this point, that we would actually "divorce for the kids". I would want our son (and any future children) to know that moms & dads can be happy and create a healthy, content home for their kids...even if it is in two different homes. Children living in a home where the two partners are not living together out of love (most of the time!) do not demonstrate a good example of what relationships should be; and what the kids can have in their future.
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I thought this was an excellent comment & message! I am nowhere near in the same situation, and the answer to the question "what do I do?" depends on so many factors.
I appreciated the comment that "we cannot change the course of the illness", which is what many couples try to do: they try to "fix" problems. Sometimes, problems and illnesses are not fixable, no matter how good of a person we are.
Also, your comment, "I always thought I could make his happiness but I can’t, I can only make mine". This is so true, no matter what you are going through in your marriage. It is extremely difficult to not allow one person to "bring you down", but the most important person that you are responsible for is yourself. You can not make someone else happy, or healthy, or emotionally stable.
In my opinion, there are nurses and home aids to take care of chronically ill family members, and friends & family can offer emotional support, hugs and kisses, financial support and more. If someone is not receptive to support, then I do not see how a caregiver can be a good mom, friend, co-worker, (and more) to others. It does take a very strong person to be a caregiver, and also takes a very strong person to take care of themselves.
I've never believed in the notion to "stay together for the kids", as children are very aware of their surroundings. I would hope that if my husband and I ever got to this point, that we would actually "divorce for the kids". I would want our son (and any future children) to know that moms & dads can be happy and create a healthy, content home for their kids...even if it is in two different homes. Children living in a home where the two partners are not living together out of love (most of the time!) do not demonstrate a good example of what relationships should be; and what the kids can have in their future.
February 10, 2009 - 3:28pmThis Comment
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